Musings: Lost and Found

 

The photo above is the first selfie I've taken in several years - probably close to five years, now that I think about it. I took it late last week, apparently having decided to forego makeup (and a comb, for that matter 😆), while also wearing a top that is at one size too big for me at the moment. (The clothes are courtesy of my sister C, who told me my previous wardrobe of white t-shirt and leggings - or "that depressing s***", as she referred to it) "had to go - all of it." And go it did.) 

This is pretty much how I look most days, although I happily do wear makeup at least a few days a week. I'm fine without it, but I remember what my sister C says: the days she wears makeup she does it for herself, because it makes her feel good on those days. I'm inclined to follow that way of thinking a lot more often moving forward.

I wasn't feeling very good about myself for a long time, but that is no longer the case, thankfully. I'm still a bit undernourished, the result of barely eating one meal a day, if that, for several months. I'm getting there, though, and enjoying the occasional guilt-free large maple walnut ice cream from Herrell's, an amazing ice cream chain here in Massachusetts. Best ice cream I've ever had. Yum... 🍦

So, I'm grateful to be here and able to write this post, and equally grateful to be slowly rebuilding my life. I did not think I would be here barely five weeks ago, and I am taking things one day at a time. But for the first time in a long while I feel hopeful.

I'm in the process of transcribing what will eventually be several lengthy posts. I needed to write this for a long, long time - and I do mean long. For whatever reason, the trauma I recently went through opened the floodgates. I don't question why the muse appears; I simply thank her and take advantage of the opportunity. I think finishing this once and for all will allow me to tackle other topics that have long been on the creative back burner. Looking forward to seeing what comes out of this. Hope you'll stick around too.

***

I was listening to The Kinks when I took this, and have been listening to them obsessively for quite a bit lately, as I do every year for several weeks at a time. They're one of my favorite bands, and Ray Davies is one of my favorite songwriters. Two songs in particular have been running though my head. 

First up is "State of Confusion," from their 1983 album of the same name. It's a song about modern day life, but the line that resonates with me at the moment is "I'm alive and that can't be bad." True, that. 🙂

The second song is "Lost and Found," a lovely track from their 1986 album Think Visual, an unfairly overlooked album in their catalogue. It's written about a couple in New York City during Hurricane Gloria in 1985 who are enduring two storms, one via Mother Nature and the other of a personal nature. The song ends on a hopeful note, as only Ray can provide:

We were lost and found/And we beat the fear/We came through the storm/Now it all seems clear/We were lost and found/Standing here looking at the new frontier.

Amen to that. See you next time...

Of Ghosts, Posts, Baristas, and Crossing the Finish Line

Yes, a second post today. I wasn't planning on writing this one, but I wanted to commemorate a moment that's been 15 years in the making... and a conversation with a barista who went above and beyond.

First, I want to acknowledge a huge debt of gratitude to three people without whom this moment would not have occurred. I don't think I could have written it without their love and support, even when I wasn't really offering much progress in return. Words hardly seems sufficient... but, here is a huge thank you. ❤️

This moment commemorates the completion of a blog post I've been working on for the past three weeks. It's all done, minus a few minor gaps that need to be dashed off, probably in an hour or two of writing. It's the final piece of the autobiographical series of posts I called The Chronicles of Cass. 

I wrote nearly 25 pages on Saturday, and over 40 pages today (all by hand - that was how I wrote the entire post, ~ 100 pages total). I was determined, once I started, that I was going to finish this once and for all, and do it today. And I did. 

I wrote it all in one five hour session at a Starbucks down the street from my friend F, where I'm staying for the moment. I only stopped once, when one of the baristas came over and quietly put a fresh iced coffee on my table. I hadn't touched the one I'd purchased three-plus hours before. I thanked her and offered to pay, but she shook her head.

"Whatever you're working on must be pretty intense," she said, adding, "It's none of my business, of course."

"It''s OK," I told her. "It is intense. It's for my blog. It's something I should've written a long time ago."

"It must be important. You like you've seen a ghost, to be honest," she said.

I had to laugh a bit.

"I guess I have," I said. "I'll probably write a post about this conversation, if that's OK with you."

It was. 🙂 So, one more thank you to C, the friendly barista who knew just what I needed at that moment.

I plan to start typing up this massive post tonight... if I don't fall asleep first. Ghosts can have that effect on you, I guess, especially once you're ready to bid them adieu.

***

A few songs about spirits to round up this post. First, a lovely song from The Psychedelic Furs, from their classic Mirror Moves album - "The Ghost In You":

Robyn Hitchcock, a personal favorite of yours truly, does a terrific cover:

Speaking of personal favorites, here's one from the Indigo Girls. This is a song from Rites of Passage, called "Ghost." 

That does it for this one. Until next time, then...

Old Friends

Hi everyone - your eyes do not deceive you; two posts from Cassidy in a single week! Who woulda thunk it?

I originally intended to write about this subject several weeks ago, but came up with other topics that were a bit more timely. And I have two others in the pipeline as well; hopefully I can finish and post them shortly as well.

I'm writing this on Sunday evening; with my manager L's permission (and have I mentioned lately how much she rocks?) I'm taking tomorrow off. I've been dragging a bit lately, partly because the weather here has been unusually hot and humid for an extended period, and partly because I've only taken a few days off so far this year. So it will be nice to sleep in a bit later than usual tomorrow. :c)

This actually makes a nice segue to the main topic of this post. Follow along below the jump for more. :c)

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Final Thoughts on the Past Five Days

Before I get to some much, much happier topics, one final follow-up to my last two posts.

My brother was there during the final shoot out in Watertown, and when they finally captured the second coward. 

I haven't spoken with him yet; he didn't get home until well after midnight, and was back on duty this morning at 5:30 AM. He has worked over 100 hours since Monday, essentially non-stop, and is still on duty. 

From what he told my sister-in-law, that final firefight was savage. I've seen amateur footage on YouTube, and it is terrifying to watch. This piece of garbage was out to kill as many people as possible, right up to the end. 

This wasn't some innocent kid swayed by an older brother; he is a stone killer. He put the bomb next to eight-year-old Martin Richard, then fled like a cockroach. He is just as much of a maggot as his older brother. I hope he is treated as such, and that justice is served.  

And I hope as his scumbag brother drew his last breath, his final thought was that his baby brother, the one he helped turn into a killer, abandoned him like the gutless coward he is and helped kill him by running over him. It would be nice to think that he is forced to re-enact that scene for eternity in hell.

I cannot say enough about the courage, determination, and professionalism my brother and his fellow officers and law enforcement personnel exhibited under the most intense, relentless pressure imaginable. They are all genuine heroes, and I am proud to be associated in some small way with them. They are an inspiration. Thank you, one and all.

I hope that all of the people affected this week by the tragedies in Boston, West, TX, and in China all find the solace they deserve. You are all in my thoughts.

Good News

I am very happy that justice has been served in my community.

I am even happier to say that my brother is OK. He knows the officer who was wounded in the shootout that resulted in the death of Suspect #1 (a/k/a Black Hat). Fortunately, reports indicate that this officer will recover.

The relentless, determined, heroic work of my brother and his fellow officers and law enforcement this week was remarkable.

Barely four days after the terrorist bombing in a city of over one million, the authorities: a) identified the suspects by analyzing thousands of hours of video; b) killed one of them; and c) captured the other. Simply amazing.

I am very, very proud of my brother.

I'll have several much more upbeat posts soon, but I thought I'd end this on a lighter note by quoting Stephen Colbert (an American comedian, for those of you not from here), who I think best summed up this week:


"Clearly these people had no idea who they decided to pick on. For Pete's sake, Boston was founded by the Pilgrims  - a people so tough they had to buckle their g**damn hats on!"

"And here's what these terrorists don't get: They attacked the *Boston Marathon*. An event that celebrates people who run for 26 miles on their day off until their nipples are raw - for fun!!!"

Couldn't have said it better myself. :c)

http://now.msn.com/boston-marathon-bombings-stephen-colbert-responds