Sister Act I: The Cable Man Cometh

Sunday, May 26, 2013

As regular readers may have gathered, my adopted sister April and yours truly spend a great deal of time each day corresponding with one another.

By phone.

By email.

But most of all, by text.

As one would expect, given the breeding and pedigree possessed by both Miss April and moi, our typical exchanges consist of rigorous, carefully researched, erudite exchanges, typical of the great thinkers of their day:








Typically we discourse on the pressing issues of the day, as well as our take on humanity's most basic questions:

Why are we here?

What is the meaning of life?

What is the best year for rock & roll? 

(Cass: "Tough call... I would have to choose between 1967 ("Strawberry Fields Forever/Penny Lane" single, Sgt Pepper, debuts from The Velvet Underground & The Doors, Otis Redding, Aretha Franklin), 1976 (The Clash & The Sex Pistols), 1991(Nirvana, Teenage Fanclub, Public Enemy), or 1997 (Radiohead, Spiritualized, Built To Spill)."

April: "People made music after 1965?")

However...

We have, on VERY, VERY rare occasions, deigned to discuss slightly less lofty issues. 

The kind discussed by... you know, mere mortals.

These exchanges typically end with both of us pinky-swearing to never, ever speak of it again, lest the rest of the world realize that we are both utter degenerates our sheer genius.

We finally realized that as two of the leading thinkers of the day, we have an obligation to begin sharing our insights with the great unwashed.

That is... you.

(It's OK; we have members of our respective staffs vet all correspondence from our public, lest we be sullied by your non-us-ness. After all, that really isn't your fault, is it?)

So, as part of that obligation, we are proud to introduce the first in a joint, ongoing, Canadian-British-Irish-Scottish-American April-Cass production:

The Sister Act Chronicles.

(You're welcome.)

We shall share our wit.

Our wisdom.

And any other glowing word you can think of that also begins with "w."

Our first offering chronicles an exchange that took place just a few days ago.

Something we call "The Cableman Cometh."

(Feel free to take notes; we have no doubt there is a *lot* to learn here.)

***

Wednesday morning, shortly after noon. I am working from home, ensconced deep in thought on the relative merits of ginger ale vs. cream soda.

My phone buzzes. A text message has just arrived.

12:06:15 April: Hi sis! Doing OK today?

12:06:30 Cass: I am. :c) And you?

12:06:54 A: Good. What are u up to?

12:08:03 C: Working at home. Switching out my cable converter & installing a land line. Cable guy just got here.

12:08:22 A: Sounds like a porno, sis.

12:8:55 C: Hmm. That would explain the Barry White music, wouldn't it?

12:09:17 A: Is he cute?

12:09:33 C: He is.

12:09:34 C (to herself): Oh no... 

12:09:53 A: Does he have a really BIG toolbox?

12:10:19 C: He's right here, April - don't you DARE make me laugh!!!

12:11:02 A: "So, miss, show me where you want it installed..."

12:11:55 A: "You must want it in the bedroom, right?"

12:11:57 C: (Begins to giggle helplessly; leaves room for a moment)

12:13:36 A: "Oohh... your cable is sooooo long!"

12:15:00 C: Bitch, you are SO going to pay for this....

12:15:49 A: Don't you mean how much he's paying you? Or is this a freebie?

12:16:42 Cable guy: Um... are you OK? You look sort of flushed.

12:16:48 C:  I'm fine, thank you. Unlike a certain someone in a few minutes.

***

Ten minutes later:

12:27:11 C: He just left. Lucky for you.

12:28:06 A: Send him over! Or did you spoil him for all other women?

12:28:38 C: A good girl never kisses and tells, sis.

12:29:07 A: Then you're a good girl? So what I read in the bathroom isn't true?

12:30:18 C: Never believe anything that hasn't been properly edited, hon.

12:31:13 A: But I spell-checked it before I wrote it on the men's room wall!

12:32:22 C: Remember: peer editing is a must to ensure a document's accuracy. <sigh> Do I have to explain *everything*?

12:32:54 C: Also, did you use the correct formatting and font?

12:33:41 A: Well, I wrote EASY in capitals.

12:34:28 A: Is this correct, sis? "Call Cass for an OK time"

12:35:17 C: Putting aside the "OK," you forgot the exclamation point shaped like a penis.

12:36:01 A: No emoticon for that.

12:36:58 C: Wait... you use emoticons for your bathroom graffiti?

12:37:14 A: We are very advanced here above the 49th parallel, sweetie.

***

And with that, the dispensation of knowledge ceases for the time being.

Despair not, however, ye lads and lasses.

Instead, stay tuned to to both blogs for future installments of...

 The Sister Act Chronicles!

***

I could really think of no better song to kick off this series than this - Dave Edmunds, with the mighty Rockpile:


And the man who wrote it in the first place, Declan Patrick MacManus:


2 comments:

April on May 26, 2013 at 7:49 PM said...

I totally concur on the brilliant Dave Edmunds but there is only ONE Elvis!

In case you are still confused the true Elvis does not wear glasses.

Thank you. thank you very much.

Cassidy on May 26, 2013 at 10:17 PM said...

Please note that in deference to your devotion to the King, I *did* refer to him as Mr. MacManus... :c)

Also: Rockpile rule! [bowing head in reverence]

Hugs,
Cass

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