Picture Show: The Evolution of Cass :c)

Saturday, July 6, 2013


Hi all! Happy Saturday!

I've been a bit reticent about do this up until now... but events today changed my mind.

I want to introduce you...

To me. :c)

Follow below for the complete story!




I was headed to see my therapist for my session, but unfortunately got caught in an epic traffic jam. After an hour I realized I would never make it on time, so I turned around and returned home.

I went clothes shopping with my work friend RW (I know several R's, so she shall henceforth be RW :c)) last week, and I finally had a chance to go out wearing some of my new items.

It is brutally hot here, and has been for days, so I opted for a cami, a ruffled tank top, shorts, and sneakers. Too hot to ruin a dress in this heat with my excessive, um... dewiness. lol

Anyway, I came home, called M my therapist, and left a message that I could not make it and if we could do the session by phone. I joked that I had gotten all dolled up for her for no reason now, but I would send a few pictures.

So I pulled out my iPhone and snapped off a few shots of myself.

My land line rang as I finished, so I hurriedly saved the shots without even looking at them.

After I came back, I took a look.

O_O

Oh.

My.

God.

I saw ME!

And only ME!

I was, and am, stunned.

At my most recent electrolysis session, we did the last bit of work on my eyebrows.

(OK, it was actually 45 minutes, not a bit, followed by another 45 minutes at the maximum setting around my mouth... and I had the headache for two days to prove it!!!)

I think that may have been the tipping point.

But even before that, my work friends RW and S, as well as my electrologists M and RE, have told me repeatedly that, quite simply, I am a girl now.

And that I can no longer pass as a boy with people who do not know me previously. At best, I look like a girl trying to pretend she is a boy.

RW took a picture of me with my co-worker and friend D yesterday, and I saw what she meant - sort of. I looked, well... androgynous.

But today was a different story, for whatever reason.

I sent them off to my sister via text.

A moment later she called.

"I cannot believe that is you!!!" she exclaimed.

"Me either," I admitted. I could feel my face turning red.


"You're totally a girl. You look so good!!!" she said.

I was really blushing now, but admitted I was surprised with the results.

"And you aren't even wearing makeup either, are you?"

I was not.

"You bitch!"


(What would we do without sisters? lol)

I sent them to a few other friends, all of whom were very complimentary.

While texting my friend C, I sort of summed up how I feel when I look at these:

"Hey, she's kinda cute-looking!"

"Wait - 'she' is ME!!!" lol

That is still hard for me to fathom.

After a lifetime denying that it could ever happen... I see a girl when I look in the mirror today.

And only a girl.

That might change tomorrow (and probably will)... but for the first time ever I saw no trace of him.

Only me.

***

So, after much debate, I decided to share several pre-Cass shots for reference, and several taken today.

Part of me is afraid of a weird reaction.

I have heard a lot of stories that make me nervous.

I also value my privacy. A great deal.

And I plan to go into stealth mode when I am full-time. (More coming on that soon as well.)

But part of me also thinks it is important to show girls who are just starting out what transitioning does to different people. That helped me immensely when I was starting out.

I knew I would never look as good as the women I considered role models.

I still feel that way.

But I hoped that I could at least pass someday, if I worked long enough and hard enough.

Today, I saw evidence for myself that my dream is coming true.

And if I can do it... so can anyone.

On to the pictures!

***

This was taken in June 2011, two months after I contacted my therapist, M, and told her I was considering transitioning:


The day I started on hormones - November 19, 2011:


 June 2012 (eight months):


October 2012 (11 months):


May 2013 (17 months - taken immediately after electrolysis - hence the stubble lol):


 And today, July 6th, 2013 (19 months):




And last but not least, this one which is my favorite :c):


Please be kind. :c) As I said, I am wearing no makeup at all here, so I am a bit nervous about this... but if it helps one person, it will be worth the nerves!

***
At the requests of my friends RW & S, I'm adding a new picture I took with my bangs swept to the side.



 Discuss amongst yourselves. :D 





***


Just as good as the chance to show off a bit and hopefully help someone out lol is the opportunity to play the stellar opening track to John Prine's 1991 masterpiece, The Missing Years. Here is "Picture Show":


And here's a terrific live version from 1996, courtesy of Austin City Limits:


Listen to as much John Prine as often as you can! It will make you a better person - guaranteed. :c)

Happy Saturday to one and all!

12 comments:

Stace on July 6, 2013 at 3:21 PM said...

OK - let's start with the important one here...

Who the hell is going to say something unkind! You are not yet full time, you are taking photo's without make-up *and* you are putting then on your blog. OMG, that is amazing!

I've been full time for 19 months now and I am still not comfortable going out without make-up (I do it sometimes, but not comfortably); let alone having a picture taken!

Now... Back to the important part :) (I know, I know)

You look great :) That first time seeing yourself is just shocking isn't it!

Aside from that though, what I noticed was the difference in facial expression between the first and last. You're getting happier :) Good for you!

Stace

Cassidy on July 6, 2013 at 3:43 PM said...

Hi Stace!

I am not sure if it is amazing or just vanity... but thank you for the kind words! lol

I think I would look worse *with* makeup, to be honest. At this point for sure. I have a slight tremor in my hands at times, and my face sometimes winds up resembling an etch-a-sketch as a result! ("How *did* she get eyeliner on her chin, anyway?")

It really was a shock this morning when I looked at that last photo (which was the first one I viewed). It still is, to be honest, five hours later.

Thank you for the compliments, sweetie. :c) I definitely do have a lot more to smile about these days, all in all!

Hugs,
Cass

Janice on July 6, 2013 at 9:19 PM said...

Cass, you are so brave to post photos. I know this has been a long transition for you and that this is a big step. I'm very proud of you! You look fantastic. I immediately wanted to start talking about the right hair products for this horribly humid weather. =)

Love
Janice

Cassidy on July 7, 2013 at 10:13 AM said...

@ Janice: Thank you very much, hon. :#)

As far as hair products, I could use all the help I can get! lol This humidity is wreaking havoc - the cowlicks and curls are out of control!!!

Thank you again, sweetie! xoxo

Hugs,
Cass

Jenna on July 8, 2013 at 6:25 PM said...

Typical, you go offline for a couple of weeks and come back to find people sneaking pictures of themselves on their blogs :-)

I'm so glad that I didn't miss this post. You have changed so much. The smile is definitely the biggest thing though. You look so much happier in the recent pictures.

The fact that you have shared pictures of you with no make-up is inspiring, I wear make-up pretty much all the time. Those occasions that I go out without it on are few and far between.

I'm looking forward to seeing more pictures in the future.

xx

LL Cool Joe on July 9, 2013 at 3:18 AM said...

You look great, you're come a long way!!

"At best, I look like a girl trying to pretend she is a boy." Yep, that's just about how I think people would view me. Sigh.

LL Cool Joe on July 9, 2013 at 3:19 AM said...

I meant "you've". Sorry!

Cassidy on July 9, 2013 at 9:45 PM said...

@ Jenna: We have all been waiting for *months* before you finally took a vacation! lol

Thank you so much for your comments! As I said it my reply to Stace, the lack of makeup is more attributable to my utter lack of skills in that department more than courage. :D

And stay tuned for more pics - with makeup, hopefully!

@ Joe: And thank you as well, my friend! You are a good egg, as April calls you. (Canadians are weird, aren't they?) You have nothing to worry about in the looks department if your profile pics are any indication, btw. :c)

Oh, and I *love* the suit you picked out in your June 27th post! I love a man with style!!!

Becca on July 12, 2013 at 9:52 AM said...

I know I have seen a few of these photos along the way but I am still struck by how much you have changed. You look so lovely and happy ,,,,, seems to be that one lady will be waking up to the fact that she needs to get going on this name change stuff pdq!

You look fab!

Cassidy on July 12, 2013 at 11:44 PM said...

@ Becca: Aww..... you are so sweet! :#) Thank you for those lovely thoughts!

It's odd; even though I can now see me, I *still* don't see a huge difference between "him" and me.

I know there *must* be one. People who look at these pictures all seem to be struck by: a) how different I look, and b) how I cannot see what they apparently do. It is an odd phenomenon!

Then again, I remember wondering the same thing about people whose blogs I follow, thinking "are they blind?!?" when they made the same remarks. I guess it is my turn! lol

Thank you again, hon! Love ya!

Hugs,
Cass


Jessica Lyn on July 13, 2013 at 5:35 PM said...

You rock chica! So jealous of how far you've come. And to think I could've been right beside you in your timeline if I wasn't still so scared. Thanks for sharing yourself with all of us!

I love you! HUGS

Cassidy on July 13, 2013 at 8:18 PM said...

Well, hello, Miss Jess!!! So nice to hear from you, sweetie! Been wondering what you have been up to!

Thank you for the compliments, hon. :c) And no need to fret; eveyone moves at their own pace. You will start your journey when you are ready. Just trust in yourself and follow that big, big heart of yours, Jess.

Love ya right back! Let's catch up, Jess; it's been too long!

Hugs,
Cass

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