Three (Is A Magic Number)

Monday, April 28, 2014


My life started three years ago today.

I woke up in the middle of the night, shaking uncontrollably, after another in an increasingly vivid dreams that I could no longer dismiss, as I had done my entire life.

Dreams about the life I should have been living, the person I should have been, but that I had never dared admit were something I wanted.

Until that night.

I realized at that moment that I could no longer live a lie.

Not one second more.

I finally told myself the truth:

I was a girl.

It was not a moment of triumph, or relief.

It was, really, an admission of reality.

This was never going to go away.

I fought for as long as I could, as hard as I could.

But I could fight no more.

I was worn out.

I had to give in.

I had no idea if it was even possible.

Not just in terms of passing. But in terms of the price I would have to pay, and the sacrifices I would have to make, financially, emotionally, and more.

But I resolved then and there that I would do the best I could to live the life I deserved.

I was terrified.

But I knew the alternative was even more terrifying.

So I chose, as one of my favorite songwriters put it, to kick at the darkness.


And three years later... here I am.

:D

It has been the hardest thing I have ever done.

And the best thing I have ever done.

The journey to self-acceptance that started in the early morning hours three years ago is a long one. I have made tremendous progress, and am proud of how hard I have worked and how far I have come in the face of sometimes daunting challenges. And while there are still miles to go, I know I will do everything within my power to reach the destination, to live the life I want, and deserve, to live.

Pictures can only show a small part of the journey - but still an important one. I am approaching two and a half years on hormones in a few weeks.

I know I have changed - if only from how others react when I show them photos of "him" and then of me. lol In particular, I can sense that the changes have accelerated in the last few months. I have been full-time for just over four months, so I suppose it's a combination of hitting the two-year mark late last November and of finally becoming comfortable as myself at long last.

At any rate, I thought I would share a few photos to show that change over the last three years. (Some of these are repeats, but hey, recycling is a virtue, is it not? ;))





 






 
The photo at the top of the post was taken early last week, and the next two were taken last Thursday, April 24th:



Stay tuned for further changes! :D

***

Three really *is* a magic number:


I adored Schoolhouse Rock growing up, and have always found this particular song to be surprisingly moving.

It's just a shame King Arthur didn't hear this back in the day:


Oh well, things turned out OK there for everyone. Well, everyone other than the rabbit... :D

4 comments:

LL Cool Joe on April 28, 2014 at 4:17 AM said...

Wow, and you look amazing too!

Ashley W. on April 28, 2014 at 4:25 PM said...

I see two transformations in these pictures: one from male to female, and one from not smiling at all to positively beaming! You look gorgeous!

Caroline on April 28, 2014 at 5:44 PM said...

From a "guy" just killing time to someone beaming with life, three certainly worked magic for you...

Cassidy on April 30, 2014 at 12:11 AM said...

Thank you so much, everyone! You made me turn redder than my hair! :#)

Ashley, I left a comment on your blog; I tried to follow it, but I don't think that option is set for it. Anyway: a) I'll be reading all of your posts, having enjoyed the first three I read; and b) you are cute as a button, sweetie! :D Looking forward to reading more.

Thank you again, Joey, Ashley, and Caroline! You are all good cookies, as Kelli would say! lol

Hugs & love,
Cass

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