Happy Monday(s)

I was working on a post, but, as so often happens, life moves so quickly that keeping up is well nigh impossible. In this case, though, I am very happy to adjust on the fly.

It all started last week. I had to attend a wake, sadly, and needed to purchase a new dress appropriate for the occassion. I found one in short order, and headed for the cash register. 

I was rummaging through my purse trying - fruitlessly, per usual - to find my wallet. 

Suddenly something caught my eye. I looked up - and saw a dress that literally stopped me in my tracks. 

For the first time I ever thought to myself, "You MUST buy that dress."

There was only one on the rack. 

I checked the label; it was my size.

Without a moment's hesitation I dropped it into my cart and headed for the register. I never even looked at the price. Not that it would have mattered; I was going to buy it. I couldn't explain it; I was drawn to it. 

It was shortly before closing time on a weeknight, so there was only one person in line ahead of me, a woman in her sixties. She glanced up as I passed her, then turned around.

"Hon, you are going to look adorable in that!" she said, unprompted. 

"Oh, thank you," I replied. "That's very sweet of you to say."

"It's perfect for you. I can tell just from looking at it in the cart," she said.

No sooner did I reach the next register when the cashier, also in her 60s, held up the dress and exclamed, "Oh, my!"

I asked her if something was wrong.

"Oh, no, dear," she replied, smiling. "It's just that this dress is perfect for you!"

"Thank you," I said, amazed. "The lady in front of me just now said she liked it too."

"No wonder," she said. "It was made for you! I'm jealous; I can't pull off this  type of dress. But I can tell you;re going to be cute as a button in it."

Needless to say, THAT was a first for me!

My friends J & T had me over for brunch on Sunday. We hadn't seen each other in person for a full year, so I decided to dress up for the occasion and wear it for the first time.

I loved it. It felt wonderfully feminine. *I* felt wonderfully feminine. 

They complimented me on the dress, which was very kind of them. J also complimented me for bringing a sweater (I pick things up quickly, you see).

The best part of this saga, however, was still yet to come.

Monday did not start off well. Work has been even more chaotic than usual, which scarcely seemed possible. Long story short: the crisis du jour was resolved, and we finally, mercifully, finished this project  (other than a few stray documents I need to update once I am given the information to add).

Near the end of the day, I was having a relatively intense work-related discussion with my friend A, whom I have mentioned in this blog before. She is extremely smart, very sweet, quite stylish, and also quite lovely. (Those traits are not necessarily listed in order. ;-p)

We were discussing several of the issues that had been uncovered over the past few days when A suddenly stopped speaking. She stepped back and looked at me for a long moment. It felt as if she were seeing something new.

 "What's up?" I asked.

"Cass... you look absolutely gorgeous today!" she said, smiling.

"Oh, thank you, A!" I said. I am certain I was blushing furiously. "That's such a lovely thing for you to say!"

"It's true," she said. "You really do look beautiful, Cass. You need to wear this style and these colors a lot more often. They really suit your looks, your coloring, and your personality."

I was - am - incredibly flattered. I am not used to anyone really noticing me. I don't say that seeking pity, or out of self-hatred; it is a simple observation. I didn't want anyone to notice me for most of my life. I preferred to lurk in the shadows, where it felt safer. Lonely, but safer.

People do seem to notice me now; I was actually working on a post about the recent rash of total strangers coming up to me to say something about my hair. It's happened a half-dozen times in the past few months, which is hard to belive. As R and S have pointed out, though, "people like gingers." Apparently so. lol)

I am still shocked, pleasantly so, that A would be moved to say that to me. Quite truthfully, I don't see what she must see; I still see him in the mirror, or at least traces of him, every time. I certainly don't feel cute, or pretty, let alone gorgeous.

Perhaps that will change as time goes on and my memories of being "him" fade further. (It is already happening, just as my friends predicted it would. I catch myself referring to "the boy" more and more often as if he were another person altogether - because, of course, he was.)

For now, though, it is wonderfully, incredibly affirming to have someone I look up to in terms of style and presenting oneself pay me such a lovely compliment. 

I have a feeling that moment will stay with me for some time to come. I am smiling right now just typing these words. Perhaps all of the hard work and heartache and stress are beginning to pay off.

I look forward to finding out in the days, weeks, and months to come. :c)

***

Here are a few shots of the dress in question. I love my expression in the first one; I have no idea why on earth I have such a mischiveous gleam in my eye though! lol

And here I am wearing my glasses:

April calls this one my "sexy librarian" look. I will take that - with the caveat that I cannot WAIT until I can put my hair up in a bun and *really* complete the look. Check this space in one year's time, I suppose...

***

I am on vacation, as I noted in my last post, and am writing this in my hotel room after returning to downtown Newport from Day 1 of the Folk Festival. It took me over three hours to drive here from Boston, which is typically a 75-80 minute trip, but it is all good.

I saw Band of Horses and Ryan Adams, both of whom were terrific. (The new album from Mr. Adams is going to be a barn-burner, if the songs he debuted during his set are any indication.)

I posted clips of both acts in that previous post, so here's one of another act I am very much looking forward to seeing this weekend: Shovels & Rope.

http://youtu.be/iQrMzrrLqOA

Aren't they just too cute together? They're a husband and wife duo; their second album is due out in a few weeks, and I am very much looking forward to hearing some of the new songs from it.

Fitter, Happier (more Productive)... And On Vacation :D

Today's post heading is provided, of course, by Radiohead, from the strangest track off their 1997 masterpiece OK Computer. The song itself is eerie and disturbing, but I thought I would have a bit of fun with it. :c)

I am officially on vacation for the next week... thank goodness. I am running on fumes, and have been for quite some time. (I knew when I misspelled "in" three times yesterday that I was in trouble. And no, I am not joking.)

I worked a slightly shortened day today, because I had to leave early for a doctor's appointment. I crammed about 12 hours worth of work into six hours so I could get out on time and not be running six blocks from the train station to the clinic, as I've had to do in the past. (A good thing too, as I was wearing a maxi-skirt today. lol)

Long story short: I had a complete physical; at its conclusion, my doctor proclaimed that I was in perfect health. 

"Now get out there and start living your life, Cassidy!" she said, mock-stern. "No more 60-90 hour work weeks, understood? Doctor's orders!!!"

"Consider it done," I replied. 

And she can.

***

The photo above was taken in the lobby of the clinic while I waited to get my blood work done. The light was terrific, as you can see. 

In fact, it's so good you can barely see the blotchy skin from Tuesday's electrolysis session. lol (Trust me - it's there!) Anyway, I like how this one turned out.

Time to finish packing; vacation time looms! Woo-hoo!!!

***

The aforementioned Radiohead song, and the unreleased video shot for it:

Here's the video for "Karma Police," which precedes "Fitter, Happier" on the album. It is beautiful (Thom Yorke's vocals at the end give me shivers every single time I listen to them), but just as eerie as "Fitter, Happier." And the video is downright spooky:

Still Here :)

Apologies for the radio silence; things have been frantic for the past few months. Every time I thought they were slowing down... they did not.

It has been a long, hard year so far.

And I am exhausted.

But I am taking a mini-vacation, starting Friday, to attend the Newport Folk Festival.

So relief is on the way.

More to follow on this.

Promise.

In the meantime, a recent pic, and a few artists I look forward to seeing this weekend.

Stay cool, everyone!

***

Wilco:

Ryan Adams:

Trampled By Turtles:

Anais Mitchell & Jefferson Hamer (this is stunning):

And these folks are just the tip of the iceberg! :)

Musings: Independence Day(s)

It's Independence Day here in the States.

It's a day to celebrate freedom.

I'm happy that all of my days are now independence days.

No longer do I struggle with the burden of pretending to be someone I was not, and never would be.

And after a bruising, painful year, I am learning to move forward and discover who I really am, rather than trying in vain to fulfill expectations imposed by others, even if they did so with good intentions.

I have worked extremely hard to get to where I am today. I'm worn out, physically and mentally.

But unlike in the past, this exhaustion isn't accompanied by the resignation that it will always be thus.

I know now that this isn't true.

So for a while, I'll rest.

Because I now know I have the opportunity to decide what I want from life.

And to then strive to make it a reality.

As a promising young author once wrote, that's really the most you can ask for:

The opportunity to be yourself, and to live your life to its fullest potential.

I am going to do my best to do just that.

Happy Independence Day, everyone. :c)

***

Messing around a bit with my not-quite-long-enough-to-wear-up hair today because it's so humid here:

I'm not sure if I like the look or not. But it's more comfortable, and comfort trumps all. Including vanity. :D

***

For today's musical selection, we begin with a Dave Alvin-penned track from X's final album, See How We Are - "4th of July":

Next is "Almost Independence Day," from Van Morrison's 1972 masterpiece St. Dominic's Preview:

And to round things out, a haunting, atmospheric track from U2's 1984 album The Unforgettable Fire:

Musings: Six Months (And Change), a/k/a The Best Is Yet To Come

Happy Saturday!

This is not the epic I mentioned in my previous post; just a quick one to note an anniversary that literally slipped past me unnoticed:

I have been full-time for six months.

Well, six months and change; the actual anniversary was June 13th. But I was immersed in the frantic pace of the past two months and completely forgot until over a week had passed.

That I could forget is testament to how routine it has become to simply be, well... me. :c)

That is not to say I am where I want to be; far from it.

I will write more about this, but these six months have mostly been about recovering from the painful, bruising journey it took just to get to that point.

The ill-advised project I took on that has left me so drained at the moment (I worked nearly 90 hours last week, and averaged 80-ish for the previous 6-7 weeks) represents a turning point for me. It is going to be one of the last times I acted like "him" at his most self-defeating, I suspect. It has been painful, but the lesson will be worth it - once I take steps to make it so. Again, more to follow on this.

For now, I will simply say that not thinking about who I am is wonderfully refreshing. Every once in a while, though, it will hit me:

I did it.

I'm living as myself.

Maybe I'm being read. Maybe not.

But I don't really care.

Because I get to be me now, every minute of every day.

I like myself.

And that's all that matters.

The best really is yet to come, as Tony says.

And I am just getting started.

***

That photo at the top of this post was taken a few days ago. Here's how I looked on the day I went full-time last December - alternately known as The Day Cass Became A Ginger . lol
 

 I don't see a great deal of change, to be honest. Well, other than looking much more worn out in the most recent photo. lol Then again, I suppose we really are not the best judges of how much we have changed, are we? :D

***

My favorite Tony Bennett album is actually two albums - two unique albums in his vast, wonderful catalogue. In 1975 and 1976, he collaborated with the great Bill Evans, a giant of jazz piano, on a pair of duet albums that featured just the two of them: Evans on piano and Bennett on vocals.

Evans rarely accompanied singers, and Bennett typically worked with his own small small ensemble.
Both men more than rose to the occasion. The albums - The Tony Bennett/Bill Evans Album (1975) and Together Again (1976) - are today rightly considered classics.

I couldn't find a video of this song, but here's a link to their performance of "Make Someone Happy."

http://grooveshark.com/#!/s/Make+Someone+Happy/3owI8c?src=5

Those vocals on the last chorus always give me chills. :c)

Both albums are now available as a two-disc set, including a disc of alternate versions that are more than worthy additions to their legacy. It's a treasure.

I'm Still Standing

Greetings and salutations, folks! Yes, I am still here, in body and as much of my mind as is still functioning. :c)

It has been a frantic two months. How frantic, you ask? I have been working on two projects, one at work and one non-work, both of which had/have deadlines this week, for that entire stretch. For the past six weeks I have been putting in 80+ hours every week.  

I met one deadline - the more challenging non-work one, thankfully - last night, the end of a 15 hour work day, coupled with two and a half hours of commute time. 

Today was a frantic day at work, but more of the standard end-of-project-cycle variety. (I know Stace and others can relate!) The other, work-related deadline is tomorrow, but the worst is over in terms of workload. As I kidded a developer colleague today, "Now I get to ask YOU why the hell you aren't finished yet!" lol 

(Actually, everyone has been working extremely hard - and extremely well - together. No hissy fits, no temper tantrums... just a team buckling down to get the job done as best we can under stressful, challenging conditions. It helps quite a bit to know that everyone has each other's back.)

I will write more about how I got into such a stressful, time-consuming situation in my next post. I have learned a hard, hard lesson as a result. 

It is a lesson I have needed to learn for some time. A number of people whose opinion I value a great deal have told me as much, with varying degrees of forcefulness. (Including Kelli - you were correct once again, missie!). 

Fortunately, it has finally sunk in at long last. I get it, finally. And as result, there are going to be changes in my life as a result. Big changes.

But it can wait 'til next time. :) I plan to unwind a bit tonight (if my brain will let me!), get to bed relatively early (I hope), and make one last push tomorrow to cross the finish line. Then I can turn my focus to a subject I have seemed to push aside far too often in the past.

Me. :c)

Until next time, be well, everyone, and enjoy the summer! It's finally arrived here in the Boston area along with the standard humidity. I took this picture one recent morning - AFTER spending 10-15 fruitless minutes trying to straighten my hair. lol (I gave up, needless to say.)

Until next time... be cool!

***

Here's a great song from Elton John's 1983 album Too Low For Zero that sums up where I am at this very moment:

He reunited with his songwriting partner Bernie Taupin after a recorded the song, and album, with Bernie Taupin once again collaborating on the songwriting and the core band he used on the staggering string of classic albums he recorded in the 1970s. The difference in energy from his previous solid-but-not-inspiring albums is palpable.

Incidentally, for those of you who are not aware, Elton has been on a creative roll for well over a decade now, releasing a string of albums that can stand tall in his catalogue. The first of these albums, 2001's Songs from the West Coast, is a particular favorite, and one I still pull out frequently. 

Here's the album closer, "This Train Don't Stop Here Anymore," which features a wonderful video starring none other than a very young Justin Timberlake, who makes a more than credible Elton stand-in. (And yes, that's Pee Wee Herman playing Elton's manager.) Enjoy! :c)

Musings: Crazy Days & A Lesson Learned (Prelude)

Hello all. Just a mid-week post to apologize for not responding to some of the comments and email I've received the past few days. OK, the past week. Few weeks. Oops. It's worse than I thought.

I have been insanely busy for over a month now, with another month to go before it slows down. I had an epiphany over the weekend about why I am in this situation - again. This is not the first time I have been to this rodeo, shall we say.

I have heard it said that life keeps presenting you with the same situation over and over until you choose to pay attention *and* learn from it. Well, I was, and I have.

The bad news? I have another month to go before I can start to do anything about it. The good news? I know what I want to do. And I will do all of them. Bet on it. :c)

Apologies for seeming a bit cryptic; more will come in the fullness of time, as my friend B always says!  For now I am worn out but OK. I will be fine. I know who I am now. And who I want to be. And I will get there.

***

A quick photo to show you what I am up against now that the humidity is returning with the warmer weather.

This is me after my gym session on Monday:

Halle's reaction was priceless: "Oh dear... your hair really does go a bit squirrelly in the summer, doesn't it?"? lol Just so. :D

***

And I can think of no better soundtrack that this classic from The Lovin' Spoonful:

 It is SO evocative of how summer feels... you can practically see the steam rising from the street and the sweat beading on a glass of lemonade, no matter what time of year you listen to it...