Big News: Cassidy's Confession!

Sunday, November 17, 2013

I have a confession, dear reader.

I am afraid I have not been completely forthright with all of you.

I have been holding out on sharing some important information about myself.

And for quite a while, too.

Is it that I dream of a world in which I can happily eat peanut butter every single day of the year?

No. (I will admit that freely.)

Is it that my bedroom is covered with Photoshopped pictures of a shirtless Dick Cheney?

Er... no. (That would be April.)

Is it that I harbor a longstanding, but unstated, passion for the New York Yankees?

Hell, no! (Being a diehard Seattle Mariners fan is shame enough, believe me, even for a native New Englander.)

No, it is something else.

What is it, you ask?

What is this secret that Cass has been harboring?

Well, let me tell you what it is, dear reader:

I set my full-time date.


Yup... it's true.

I will be unleashing my near-sighted, be-freckled, ever-klutzy self on the world.

As myself.


When, you ask?

No more teasing:

The big day is Friday, December 13th.

This has been in the works for a while.

A long while, actually. :-)

I'll try to write more about it if I can find the time, but essentially here's the story.

Just before Christmas last year, shortly after my one year HRT anniversary, I suddenly started being addressed/referred to in public as "Miss" and "she" and "her." Since I was in boy mode (I had yet to venture outside as myself yet), this was pretty astonishing.

With my therapist's encouragement, I began to consider when I would go full-time shortly after the New Year. She felt I was closer to being ready than I realized.

The ensuing difficulties in late January sidelined things for several months. But in late winter, after discussion with M, I settled on late this year as a reasonable target. I wanted to be full-time before Christmas, so I could celebrate my first one as Cassidy this year.

Accordingly, I picked out Friday, December 20th - which, as April noted helpfully, is also the anniversary of Hitler's release from an Austrian prison in 1920. ("What could possibly go wrong, Cass?") :D

In spite of that less-than-encouraging omen, I proceeded apace. :c) In fact, I decided, after a few months of increasing confidence, and after consultation with M, I decided to move up my date to Friday, October 4th.

I informed my manager L, who was her usual wonderfully supportive self. I will write a bit more if I can about our meetings with HR. I can say that our HR contact, A, has been wonderful as well, pledging that the company will do everything it can to make this as smooth as stress-free as possible.

(Unfortunately, she failed to get the hint when I mused aloud about how a new Toyota RAV4 would really make my commute easier. Perhaps Consumer Reports gave the new models a low score on "relief from transition-related stress"?)

We had an initial face-to-face meeting in August, for which L flew in. It went very well. At the meeting's conclusion, A congratulated me on my courage (see yesterday's post for my ensuing discomfort), and added, "One thing that is really going to help you, Cass, is that everyone here really likes you."

I was surprised, and turned to L. She shrugged and said, "I don't understand it either, but apparently it's true." lol (What was that I said about how supportive she was?)

Unfortunately, I was then waylaid by the dreaded Black Dog, the result of too little sleep, too many hours working, and emotional fallout from coming out to my parents and my brother and his wife.

I finally admitted the truth to myself in September. I soon realized that I was in no condition emotionally to go full-time in barely a month, and noticed L and A of this fact.

 Both L and A were unstinting in their support, as always. They told me to take my time, that they would make whatever accommodations were needed. Thanks to my therapist M and my doctor J, I quickly began to feel like normal self. ("Normal," in my case, clearly being a relative term.) ;-p

Once I felt better, we began meeting regularly ("we" being myself, A, and L) - A and myself in person,  L calling in. In short order, we collaboratted and came up with a schedule that we all agreed was reasonable and worked for all parties.

I'll write more about those plans as the time comes. L is flying in again tomorrow, partly so we can meet in person with P, her manager. P has known for several months, and has pledged his full support.

I am not surprised in the least, given his genial nature and status as a fellow puckhead, i.e. hockey fanatic. For some misguided reason he insists on rooting for the Red Wings, of all teams. (But as I can attest, even your best friends can be similarly afflicted. [coughKelliBennettcough])


I will write more in the next few weeks as the big day approaches. At this point, I really just want to be there;  I think I was probably ready a while ago; now I am simply waiting.

A asked me what I thought it would feel like that first day, and I was surprised to find myself struggling to put it into words. I told April about this conversation, and her response summed it up well, I suspect:

"It will feel right."

Let the countdown begin!


I hadn't had any recent pictures I liked, even a little bit. But tonight I finally managed a few that were in the "sort-of-OK-if-you-don't-look-too-close" category. Take a look:

(Note the way-cool Preservation Hall Jazz Band shirt in the first one, btw. :c))

Thanks for following along, kids! I couldn't be doing this without you!


Where else do I return but to my old standby, Steely Dan's Aja, for the musical coda to this post? And this time, for not one, but two songs. 

First, "I Got The News," which seems to work perfectly in this context. :c)

Second, "Peg," which was the first single I ever purchased. (Kids, ask your grandparents to explain singles. :-/) To this day, I will not leave the car until I listen to this song until its completion.

Like "I Got The News," "Peg" features the unmistakable vocals of Michael McDonald, lead singer of the Doobie Brothers and a member of the Dan's extended family of top-notch studio musicians from both the jazz and rock worlds. (Not many rock albums contain a song that features a solo from Wayne Shorter, for instance, as Aja's title track does.)

I always knew I would use this song for this specific post, purely for the following lyrics: 

This is your big debut
It's like a dream come true

It sure is. :c)


Jenna on November 18, 2013 at 2:28 AM said...

Congratulations hun.
April's right, it will feel right.

My first day at work I felt nervous right up until I'd logged in, read some of the emails from people, grabbed a coffee and worked for about half an hour. After that it was as if nothing had changed and felt totally right.

Stace on November 18, 2013 at 6:32 AM said...

You know, from experience I can say that 13th December is a great day to go full time at work. (At least it worked for me!)

The first day was full of speaking to different people about what I was doing, and huge amounts of support, lots of being stopped in the corridor to speak to people. And pain! Serious pain!

The shoes suggested by my other half were fine when sitting down or walking - but standing still and talking to people hurt like hell.

So get some comfy shoes for your first day :)

Best of luck, though I am sure that you don't need it!


Stace on November 18, 2013 at 6:33 AM said...

Oh, I forgot to say...

The second day was all about getting on with work and catching up with what I had missed in the previous two days :)


Nadine Spirit on November 18, 2013 at 12:33 PM said...

Good for you!

Becca on November 18, 2013 at 2:25 PM said...

Such a shame you didn't so the 4th October - could have started together. Congratulations though - I am sure it will go well!

Cassidy on November 18, 2013 at 9:00 PM said...

@ Jenna: Thank you! I hope my first day is a non-event (if you know what I mean). I had more than enough drama already this year, thank you very much. :D

@ Nadine! Thank you very much!

@ Becca: Thank you so much! I can only tell you that someone who shall not be named (but who left a comment on this post, lives in the Netherlands, and is British) informed me that I was to use *her* day, not yours, as my FT date. (It's always the quiet ones you need to watch, isn't it?) :-p

@ Stace: Teasing aside, I consider a good omen that it coincides with your first day - just as it would have been good had it coincided with Becca's. :c) I hope it portends good things that I planned to use both dates!

Rest assured I will *not* be wearing heels on my first day - or any time, for that matter. Between my balky ankle and general clumsiness, I prefer to minimize the risk of having my debut visit to the ER be on my very first day as myself. lol

As far as falling behind on my work, remember that I am a technical writer. Since we are already shunned by the cool kids in Development, I shouldn't miss a beat. ;-p

Thank again, hon. And to you as all, Jenna, Nadine, and Becca. :c)


Calie on November 27, 2013 at 8:59 PM said...

...and I'm SO glad you're not a Yankee's fan!

But, I thought I knew your secret.....

Cassidy on November 27, 2013 at 10:07 PM said...

@ Calie: Me too! I know a great Yankees joke, btw. Remind me to tell you the next time we chat. :c)

To be honest, I'm not sure what other secret you are referring to. What could I be harboring that is worse than loving the Mariners? ;-p


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