Much of it was a reaction to good news, or to happy circumstances, in the early part of the week, peaking on Wednesday evening as the Red Sox won the World Series.
I watched as they put an exclamation point to their remarkable, joyous season - and, simultaneously, felt hot tears streaming down my face.
I felt quiet pride for their achievement - and almost unbearable grief at the same time.
And I wasn't completely sure why.
I'm still not, to be honest.
But I am trying, with the help of some dear friends, to untangle the knot of emotions I feel.
I have SO much to write about.
So much I need to write about.
Some of it is quite upbeat. (Much of it, in fact.)
But some of it is also dark, and melancholy.
I will write about it all. Doing so helps me process what I am feeling. And why. (That last part is the trickiest.)
It is intense, and it is emotional - both pleasant and not-so-pleasant.
But as I told April last night, I would rather feel intensely - even painful feelings - than be numb, as I was for most of my life.
Because that is how I know I am leaving "him" behind, and growing into myself.
But all of that can wait for the next few posts - which includes some not-insignificant news in Cass's little corner of the world. So please stay tuned.
Before I delve into those murky waters, however, I want to share a happy story that took place on - you guessed it - Wednesday. :c)
I worked in the main office on Wednesday, for reasons I will discuss in one of my forthcoming posts.
Because the Red Sox were playing in what turned out to be the deciding game in the World Series, they announced a casual day, when everyone was encouraged to dress in their favorite Red Sox gear.
Well, you didn't need to tell me that twice, as you might imagine. So while I still had to be at work in boy mode (sigh), at least I got to wear one of my Red Sox caps (Joey, hope it gets your blessing):
Not looking my best, needless to say. :-/ My face was swollen from electrolysis the night before, and my hair had a mind of its own that day, among other fashion misstatements. Oh well, at least the hat helped hide the rebellious cowlicks.
Anyway, I finally wrapped up for the day around 6:45. I dutifully walked down the five flights of stairs to the lobby (one thing I miss about this building - stairs I can use multiple times per day) and headed toward the parking lot.
Just before I got there I decided to visit the restroom on the first floor. So I turned around and headed back into the building.
While the building has multiple tenants, it was nearing 7:00 PM, so I wasn't really paying attention as I walked down the hall. Thus I was startled when, just as I reached for the men's room door, I heard a woman's voice calling out urgently behind me.
"Miss! Miss! Wait!"
I turned around and only saw one woman, probably in her mid-50s. After a moment of wondering who she was talking to, it suddenly sank in. And of course I immediately began turning red. :#)
"Thank you, but it's OK," I said as she reached me, trying to catch her breath.
She shook her head and pointed to the sign on the door.
"No, no " she said. "That's the men's room, hon!"
My face turned an even brighter shade of crimson.
"Really," I said, trying my best to use my "work" (read: "his") voice. "It's fine. Really. But thank you for being concerned. And, ummm... have a good night!"
I turned away as quickly from her as was polite, her expression utterly perplexed. Stepping inside, I breathed a sigh of relief.
"Boy, I'm glad that's over with!" I thought.
It was not, in fact, over with, as it turned out. :c)
As I was washing my hands, I heard the door open. I glanced up and saw an older gentleman's reflection in the mirror.
We made eye contact as I did. I smiled automatically, as I seem to do in situations like this.
He began to do the same for a split-second as he walked past.
Then he stopped short.
And did something I have never seen, outside of Bugs Bunny cartoons:
A genuine double-take.
lol
He looked at me with an expression not unlike that of my would-be savior in the hallway not 90 seconds before.
He stood for a moment, as if trying to decide what to say or do.
Then he suddenly turned, headed back for the door as quickly as he could, and left with all due haste.
"Please, just let me get out of here without any more incidents!" I thought to myself as I slowly opened the door and peered down the hallway in both directions.
It wasn't until I reached the sanctuary of my car that I could begin to laugh about it.
It's gotta be the hat!!!
***
Incidentally, the title of this post is courtesy of my sister-in-crime April, sent to me moments after I texted her of the Boston victory in Game 5.
As you may gather, she is somewhat less enamored with the Carmine Hose than your humble blogstress. On the plus side, she *did* recognize that they are a baseball team. Little victories, little victories. :c)
***
In honor of the Red Sox, here's a song written by Massachusetts-based songwriter John Lincoln Wright back in the mid-70s:
I had not heard this song in at least 25 years until one of my cousins posted it on Facebook this week... and yet it came back to me instantly, lyrics and all.
Music is uncanny that way, is it not? :c)
3 comments:
Curse you Cass!! All this baseball stuff is addictive :-)
I found myself checking the news and sports sites at work on Wednesday to find out what was happening in the World Series and reading up on what a few of the sports writers thought of it. Was quite positive about the Red Sox.
Haven't had a chance the last two days to check so glad to know they won.
Next thing you know I'll be starting to follow baseball :-o
Cass ... You have GOT to go full time !
@ Jenna: Yet another innocent succumbs to the allure of hardball nirvana! My plan is working perfectly! Bwah-ha-ha-ha!
Actually, I started to write more... and it turned into another baseball post! lol You only have yourself to blame, hon! :c)
@ Becca: Aww... thank you, hon! I am bright red again! :#) And it isn't because of my usual over-application of blush, either! lol
Loved your new post, btw! You look sooooooooooo happy! Good for you, sweetie!
I'll drop you a line soon! Meanwhile, enjoy your Sunday, OK?
Hugs to both of you!
== Cass
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