Sunday, 2:00 PM
The scene: I'm lying prone on the couch in the living room at my parents house, eyes squeezed shut. The front door opens; my father and mother enter.
Dad: L? L? Are you awake? L?
Me (sighing inwardly): Uhh… yeah?
Dad: How are the allergies? Feeling better?
Me: I'll be fine tomorrow. This just lasts a day. I think I ate something with mushrooms last night at F's. So,how did E (my niece) do at her feis?
(Note: For you unfortunate souls not lucky enough to be Irish, a feis - pronounced "fesh" - is an Irish step dancing competition.)
Mom: Two first place ribbons and a second place in the team competition.
Me: Did you take any pictures?
Him: I would have... if your mother hadn't lost the batteries.
Her: I know I just saw them around here somewhere… Let me go look again…
(She heads off into the kitchen.)
Me: Seriously… again? I told you to get a safety deposit box for this stuff, didn't I?
Dad: Hey, she threw away her wedding gown. What chance do rechargeable batteries have?
Me: Well, don't say I didn't try to help.
Him: OK.
(pause)
You know, I hardly feel like we talked all weekend.
Me: Yeah, I know. Me too.
Him: I know you have a lot going on, but next time you come up, you should try to make some time for your mother. She'd appreciate that.
Me (reeling from an irony deficiency: I'll, uh.. see what I can do.
Him: Be sure to say so long before you go. I'm headed to the back room. They're in the middle of a three-part Streets of San Francisco story.
Me: Will do Dad.
***
The scene: Two hours later. My sister C looks down sympathetically.
C: And you hardly ever have allergy attacks anymore, right?
Me (weakly): Yeah. Just bad timing.
C: I'll say. So you *still* haven't told them?
Me: Like when? During the commercial breaks on TV Land?
C (nodding): That's true. All I can say is the clothes on those 70s cop shows are enough to make *me* ill. Seriously - plaid jackets and polka dot ties? Even *you* know enough not to do that.
Me: Thank you for the vote of confidence.
C: Don't be. All it means is you aren't color-blind or a retired cop like Dad. (shudders) Have you ever seen him mow the lawn in Bermuda shorts and dark knee socks?
Me: Hey, I'm already feeling queasy. Do you mind?
C: Sorry. Seriously, you'd better tell them soon. At this rate your boobs will be my size by the time they know. (looking down at her self-described "twelve-year-old's chest") Not that they'd notice, I suppose.
Me: Hey, you said it, not me.
C: Well, I'm off to work. (leans down and kisses me) Take care of yourself, sis.
Me: Thanks. You too.
***
Postscript: I now know the perfect Christmas gift for my parents: a universal remote. Preferably with a garage door option.
***
Here's where I swiped the title for the last few posts: Idaho's finest, the mighty Built To Spill. Incidentally, Doug Martsch, the lead singer, is no slouch in the guitar hero sweepstakes, as you can see:
And one more, if you're in the mood for an epic. These guys are seriously good musicians:
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