Saturday, 3:00 PM
The scene: I'm walking down a busy thoroughfare in - you guessed it - a torrential downpour. My cell phone rings. It's my father.
Me: Hey Dad. Are you and Mom home from the church social?
Him: L? Is that you?
Me (counting to three): Has anyone else ever answered this number, Dad?
Him: Where are you?
Me: Out walking.
Him: You know it's raining?
Me (wiping the condensation from my glasses again): I've noticed.
Him: It wasn't supposed to start this early, they're saying.
Me: I gathered that.
Him: Is that why you're still walking?
Me: That plus the fact that it started when I was an hour and a half from home.
Him: Well, will you be home by, let's see… 3:00?
Me: Dad, it's 3:00 right now.
Him: Is it? OK, I have to keep this short - Kojak is coming on.
Me: Keep what short?
Him: Your brother F invited us over for dinner.
Me: Oh, OK. I have something to talk to you all about, actually, so that's good.
Him: Sure.
Me: What time do we have to be there?
Him: 3:00.
Me: Dad, again, it's 3:00 right now. Why does he want us there so early?
Him: Well, he wants to order early from Bob's.
Me: But why not just get everyone's orders now, call them in, and tell them when you want to pick it up?
Him: No, they want to eat early.
Me: Why?
Him: Aren't you listening? There's a Kojak marathon on!
Me: Right. Sorry. Well, I can't be there at 3:00.
Him: Why not?
Me: Because it's 3:00 right now.
Him: It is?
Me (sighing): Yeah, Dad. I'll just meet you all over at F's house, OK?
Him: OK. By the way, F's father-in-law will be there too.
Me: @#$%!
Him: Hey, he's not my favorite person either, but I don't let him get to me like that! Anyway, do you have keys for his house? We don't to miss any of the show.
Me (shaking head): I do. No worries.
Him: Good. (yelling to my mother) M, how do you manually program the VCR again? This remote still isn't working!
Me: See you in a bit, Dad.
***
Postscript: if you're ordering from Bob's I highly recommend the turkey tips.
***
Here's one from The Dave Rawlings Machine. He is hands-down the best guitar player I have ever seen - and bear in mind that I saw Stevie Ray Vaughan live. Judge for yourself:
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