One, Two, Three, Four...

Tuesday, April 28, 2015


Amazingly enough, my journey began four years ago today.

That was the day I finally admitted the truth to myself: I was a girl, and I had to transition.

It hardly seems possible that it's been four years, a sentiment I felt each of the previous three years as well.

More on the flip slide, including some photos of me along the way from then to now. :c)



It's been a tumultuous journey, to put it mildly. No need to recap it here, other than to note that the past 4-6 months have been particularly challenging, while simultaneously also representing the period when I feel I truly came into my own in terms of becoming comfortable in my own skin.

I'm not through yet; not by a long shot. 

The further I progress the greater my need to have GCS becomes. More on that another time.

And as those of you have read my recent posts can likely surmise, I also continue to work on relationships, and all that entails.

As difficult and painful as it has been, the past four years have also been the best four years of my life. 

I finally took steps to become the woman I should have been all along.

I love being a girl, more than words can say. So many things that never made sense for him now make perfect sense. 

And the feeling of settling into myself grows a bit more each day.

If I could do one thing differently, I would have put more of a focus on learning to present as myself much sooner. 

I worked, and still work, as hard as I possibly can on the emotional/internal aspect of transitioning, something that has stood me in good stead. But I would have benefitted from putting a bit more time into my outward appearance over the last few years.

I now know why I was so reluctant; I was trying to be myself while simultaneously trying to be enough of him to appease people who were/are never going to appeased. 

The moment I decided I was going to start doing what was best for me was the most important moment of my transition. I haven't looked back since.

Where am I going to be one year from today - physically, emotionally, geographically?

Who knows?

All I do know is that I will continue to work as hard as I can to live the life I was supposed to live all along:

As myself, Cassidy Elizabeth.

Thank you all. See you back here in a year. :c)

***

I thought I would put up a few then & now pictures for comparison's sake.

This is me just a few weeks after my personal D-Day, mid-May 2011:


 And here I am a few weeks ago, makeup-free:



And the next day, with my ever-so-slowly evolving efforts at makeup:


And finally, this was sweaty, post-run me yesterday:


Even I can tell I've changed, particularly in the past few months. It's as if the physical changes have gone into overdrive. My electrologist tells me I look substantially different each week, and she calls them as she sees them, so I believe her. As mentioned above, stay tuned for more changes to come, all. :c)

***

I've been listening to Van Morrison quite a bit the past few weeks. As you can imagine, Van has been a lifelong favorite for this Irish lass. 1968's Astral Weeks is rightly considered one of the greatest albums ever made, by anyone. This is probably my favorite song from it - "Sweet Thing":


The Waterboys, another band with strong Celtic roots, released a stunning version on their 1988 masterpiece, Fisherman's Blues:


Since I'm in an Irish frame of mind, here (again) is one of U2's most Irish-sounding songs (to my ears), and a song I would use were I ever fortunate enough to get married - "Drowning Man," from 1983's War:


There's something about the song's yearning and melancholy that makes me acutely aware of my Irishness - in a good way. And while I love being a lass, I especially love being an Irish lass. :c)

2 comments:

Alice Broule on April 28, 2015 at 10:34 AM said...

Hi Sweet Thing,
I've listened to Van "the man"'s version and now I'm half way through the Waterboys' version. Excellent selection for this post
I've known you for less than a year but I am so happy to have you as a friend, as a girlfriend.
It doesn't matter so much when you started living as yourself. I understand how we can be held back by things that seem important. Until these things start sucking the life out of us, literally.
You are so full of life, so vigorous, so generous, and such a girl. It's hard to imagine you as anything else.
So Happy #4, and I wish for you many, many happy returns of the day.
My love always, -alice
PS, I'm now listening to U2's Drowning Man. -a

Cassidy on May 1, 2015 at 9:34 PM said...

Thank you very much, Alice. What a lovely thing to read.

Love,
Cass

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