Two Is Also Magic Number

Wednesday, December 23, 2015

Hi everyone - hope you are all having a wonderful pre-holiday week.

I'm a bit under the weather here, unfortunately; I was sick with a particularly nasty case of the flu at Thanksgiving (late November), and my fear is that it's paying a return visit. On that note, I will keep this post brief.

If you can believe it, I celebrated my second anniversary of living full-time about a week and a half ago. It feels as if it just happened and as if it was a million years ago. My life now has its share of challenges, but as a dear friend once said, my worst day as myself is infinitely better than my very best trying to pretend to be "him."

I find my connection to "him" is receding more and more. It's hard to put into words, but while I remember my life before transitioning, I find it increasingly difficult to relate to it. II never really was that person; I suppose it makes sense that I would begin to lose the connection with "him" once I was finally able to live as myself.

I would like to write more, and hopefully will, but for now I just want to say that these two years have been incredibly challenging and incredibly rewarding.

I have learned so much about myself, particularly over the past few months. I have discovered heretofore unknown measures of self-confidence and strength and courage. All of the hard, hard work I have put in is paying off. It was, and is, totally worth the struggle.

I am proud to say that I have never tried to take the easy way out. I told myself I was going to work as hard as I can to have a successful transition, and I was not going to allow fear to dictate my life. And I have done so, and then some. And now I am beginning to reap the rewards of choosing to believe in myself, and to believe that I deserved to be  happy living the life I want as myself.

Next year is going to be the biggest year of my life. I am taking steps on several fronts to make it so. I will be writing about it in the weeks to come. Promise. I want to have a record of this period of my life so I can look back later and reflect on what it was like in the moment. So stay tuned. I cannot wait to begin the next phase of my journey.

I will end with a few pictures of myself , beginning with the day I went full-time in 2013(!), and my subsequent one- and two-year anniversaries. Photographs can only tell a piece of the story, but I think you will be able to see evidence of how far I have come in those two years.

December 2013:

December 2014:

December 2015:

For anyone reading this who is thinking of transitioning, I hope these pictures offer proof that if you are willing to work hard and believe in yourself, you CAN make your dream come true. (Then again, perhaps you may choose to view them as a cautionary tale. lol Regardless, I hope they help. :D)


I would be remiss if I didn't include a Christmas song or two, and I think I've picked two tracks guaranteed to put you in the mood.

Here are Sharon Jones & The Dap-Kings with a spine-tingling version of "Silent Night," off their wonderful new Christmas album It's A Holiday Soul Party:

As Stephen Colbert notes in his introduction, the entire album really is this good. :c)

Next is one from a personal favorite, Bruce Cockburn, and his lovely take on the story of Christmas from his classic 1991 album Nothing But A Burning Light:

Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays to everyone!


Rhiannon on December 24, 2015 at 2:23 AM said...

Good to hear your voice Cass. Your transformation is remarkable - you look so comfortable now. Really delighted for you. Thank you for the encouragement you bring to us. Merry Christmas! Rhi x

LL Cool Joe on December 24, 2015 at 3:25 AM said...

You look incredible. I love Sharon Jones. Happy Christmas to you!!

heather on December 25, 2015 at 6:48 AM said...

Marry Christmas
Love the black outfit may you have a wonderful 2016
Peace and love

Stace on December 26, 2015 at 1:58 AM said...

Beterschap for the flu, there are a few bugs over here this year that just don't take the hint to take a hike. A bit of a cold, that gets really bad and then weeks later you are still in the same place with recovery!

Hope that you had a good Christmas, and have a great 2016!


Stace on December 26, 2015 at 2:00 AM said...

Oh, and in my post Christmas stupor I forgot what I was going to say! The whole thing about relating to life before. I know exactly what you mean :) I know there was a life before, but it just seems surreal to me now! In a good way :D


Cassidy on December 26, 2015 at 5:53 PM said...

@ Rhiannon: Thank you, hon. Merry Christmas!!! xoxoxo

@ Joe: You make me blush!!! :#) Thank you, hon! Hope Santa was good to you!

@ Heather: Thank you for the compliment! I've had this dress for several years but forgot about it. Truthfully it's a bit too large (I seem to be shrinking lately!), but I really like it. :c) Hope you have a wonderful 2016 as well!

@ Stace: That is precisely what happened to me; I was sick for Thanksgiving (late November), and it never really went away. Then it came roaring back just in time for Christmas. Sigh. It's totally messed up my running, that's for certain. :-/

As far as relating to pre-transition life, you hit the nail on the head! It's sooooo strange, isn't it? I know it's vaguely familiar... but less and less so as time passes. In the best way. My life is just getting started. :D

Merry Christmas to you and yours, Stace! One of my New Year's resolutions is going to be to reply to you!!! lol I owe you several messages! Thank you for not holding my tardiness against me, hon. :-p

Hugs & love to all of you!

Abigale's Airings on December 27, 2015 at 1:05 PM said...

Lovely to see you Miss C, you look so good! I'm happy for you making it to where you are. May you have all the strength and support you need in the new year for the next part of your journey and the new experiences it will bring.
Your Miss A xxx
PS: love the makeup, especially the eyes, what sexy girl your are!

Cassidy on December 27, 2015 at 3:50 PM said...

Hi Miss A!

Merry Christmas to you, hon, and thank you for the lovely comment!

I particularly want to thank you for the compliment about my eye makeup. Thanks to a nasty bout with psoriasis around my eyes, this was my first time wearing makeup in two weeks. Truthfully, all I was wearing was a bit of eyeliner; I guess less really *is* more! lol

Happy Holidays, hon, and hope 2016 is your best year yet!!!


Abigale's Airings on December 27, 2015 at 4:35 PM said...

Yes we will see what the new year will bring! Please see that you rid yourself of that cold, we don't want it to turn chronic, there are some 'harmless' ones around that are not so harmless as one thinks. So take care. Lots of love Abigale xx

Diana Nicole B on December 30, 2015 at 5:00 AM said...

i can appreciate your perdicament. in about 2001 or 2002 i had a really bad case of the week long flue. also in the fall around oct. or beginning of nov. with a fever of 104 i survived on ice chips for 3 days my mom an rn instructed my dad to keep bringing me ice chips so i didn't get dehydrated. i managed to avoid the hospital. by day 4 i started on tea. for the next week i'd get up , get dressed, have a small breakfast and go back to bed. 3 weeks later i still didn't feel safe driving so my dad dropped me off at a vintage armistice day ball and later picked me up. for 6 months i hated my favorite food of pizza. ever since i get a flue shot. sadly 3 months later my mom's lung problems kicked up a notch and 3 yrs later she was gone. ( not due to my flue) mine started with an upper respiratory sinus infection which i went to the ear nose throat Dr. a few days before the fever who said "i think you will have to ride this one out" but he did give me an antibiotic just in case. i didn't even have the energy to walk up the stairs to my bedroom. even a week later i could only go up the stairs once a day. anyway good luck my friend.

Diana Nicole B on December 30, 2015 at 5:07 AM said...

ps on the psoriasis. i have exema which can be similar and started with a dry spot on my eyelid. i talked to my eye md and he suggested over the counter cortisone cream warning it might feel a bit burny. next a visit to the dermatologist who said cortisone ointment followed by ucerine original cream ( a higher mix of vasoline in it) the cream works best even within the cortisone as it absorbs quicker than an ointment. he said that if i used soap to use unscented moisturizing dove.

Cassidy on December 30, 2015 at 9:48 PM said...

Hi Diana,

It sounds as if you're similar to me: when I get sick, I *really* get sick. I've had worse, but this has been difficult because it came back a second time. Sigh.

I have both eczema and psoriasis, so I know just how you feel. This is the first time I ever had it near my eyes. Luckily hydrocortisone cleared it up in less than three days. Hopefully this was just a fluke, as my dermatologist speculated.

Happy New Year, hon!


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