Hey folks, just a heads-up: I'll be sitting in with my friend Mike on his weekly radio show ("Mike on the Mike" - great name, eh?) tomorrow morning. So, if you ever thought to yourself "Gee, I wonder what a sleep- and caffeine-deprived Cassidy sounds like?", well, here's your chance to find out! :c)
Mike's show airs on WMFO-FM (91.5 in Boston MA) tomorrow morning, Saturday, Sept. 7th, from 9:00 to 11:00 AM (EDT). Since pretty much anyone reading this lives outside their broadcast area, you can stream it live from one of the following:
If anyone would like to hear it afterwards, this article provides a succinct overview on how to do so (just substitute "Mike on the Mike"on Saturday from 9:00-11:00 AM for the author's show, of course):
I'll also have an MP3 copy afterwards as well for those who want to listen to Mike and I trade terrible puns back and forth for two hours. :c)
A few interesting facts about WMFO:
WMFO-FM is licensed to Tufts University in Medford, Massachusetts. It's staffed and run by both Tufts students and community residents (such as my friends Mike and Vince, who has his own terrific show on Saturday afternoons from 2:00-4:00 PM).
It's freeform, which means there are no commercials and that they can, and do, play anything - within Federal Communications Commission (FCC) guidelines (no profanity, etc.).
WMFO's predecessor, WTUR, was a close-circuit station that started in 1967. One of its founders was the late J.J. Jackson, one of the original MTV VJs. (I never knew this!)
The station at one point had what was considered one of the most extensive collections of rock vinyl in the Greater Boston area, second only to WBCN-FM, rightly considered one of the very best FM and most influential radio stations in the United States.
Most of the collection was destroyed in a major fire in April 1977; much of it was replaced by donations from listeners and other radio stations (including WBCN). Of course now its music library is mostly digital, but they still have a huge vinyl library, as you can see in this photo from their website:
Pretty cool, huh? :c)
Anyway, hope you get a chance to give the show a listen. As CBS News's Charles Osgood would say, I'll see you on the radio!
***
A great radio-related song from Nanci Griffith's 1988 album Storms - "Listen To The Radio":
And here's a smoking hot live version of "Wavelength" from Van Morrison's 1978 album of the same name. The amazing guitar work is courtesy of Bobby Tench (he plays on the studio version as well):
Once again, I want to say a heartfelt thank you to everyone who has reached out this week. I would not have gotten through it without all of you. I can never repay you for the kindness you've shown me. Although I know a few of you will ask.
(Kidding! I kid!)
I'm feeling a bit better every day. My sister and nephew C have been unbelievable. They are the rock on which I stand. I will treasure the exchanges I have had with my nephew the past two evenings for the rest of my life. He is a remarkable young man. I plan to write a post just about him. He deserves that and much, much more.
I plan to write more about the past week in the days to come. I've learned so much about myself, and about what is truly important to me. And I'm taking steps to make those things the top priority in my life.
Do I wish I had started these things sooner? I do. But as several friends have pointed out, everyone's journey is different. This is mine. I have a lifetime of regrets already; I am done with adding more to the list. The past is done. All that matters is this moment. And the moments to come, and ensuring that I live each one to the fullest. If I can do that, the future will take care of itself.
I thought I would share a few pictures to show some progress I've made in the past few days.
I've mentioned how much makeup has become... well, an obsession for me. As you probably guessed, it was never really about makeup. It was just a symbol of something far deeper.
Now I know what that was. And I say "was" because those things are NOT going to hold me back any longer.
I promised myself on Monday evening that I was going to work on my makeup skills every day from now on.
But then I caught myself.
"No," I thought. "You aren't going to work on it; you're going to play with it."
I'm a writer. I know how powerful words are. And there's a huge, huge difference between doing something as work and doing it as play.
I am finally living as myself. I've lived a life almost devoid of joy for nearly all of it, for a number of reasons.
Well, to hell with that.
I'm Cassidy.
I'm proud of who I am.
And I'll be damned if I did all of this work to continue living in fear. Because that's what I've been doing since I went full-time.
No more.
(I would like to thank a certain fellow blogstress - an admitted blonde, who is also notorious for her continued failure to grasp the inherit majesty of our bovine brethren and sisters - for helping drive that point home to me. Forcefully. :D Thank you again, Kelli. :))
I'll be writing and doing videos in the weeks to come about the concrete steps I plan to take to get to where I want. But for now, I thought I'd share a few photos to show the results of how I've spent the past few mornings and evenings.
I took these just now. I'm basically wearing just eyeliner, mascara, and lip gloss. My skills are... well, there's a huge amount of room for growth, let's put it that way. :)
But I choose to look at it like this:
This is the very best I could do today.
Tomorrow, I'll do a bit better.
And the next a bit better than that.
If I keep that attitude, again, I think my skills will start to pick up.
So, here are a few shots of where I am as of today, October 30, 2014, on this part of my journey.
I think these are... well, they're a decent start. With enough practice, I think I can figure out a fairly good look that will work for me. It will take a while, and some experimenting, and playing around with different things. But it's going to be fun. A lot of fun. I get to use myself as a blank canvas every day. It's going to be interesting to see what develops.
Speaking of developing, I included the first photo, of me with the glasses, for a reason.
I noticed a few days ago that they suddenly looked, well, different when I was wearing them.
I wondered if I was imagining things.
But a few days later my friend R told me that they're too big for my face.
And she's right. They are.
But they weren't just a few weeks ago.
It's subtle. But things are clearly continuing to change in both the emotional and physical aspects of my transition as it moves ahead.
More to come about what I plan to do about this soon. And I'll post more in-progress pics as I move forward.
It's been an emotional, exhausting week. And there are big challenges ahead. But if I keep focused on doing my best each day, I will be OK.
Because I'm Cassidy.
And I'm a girl.
And girls rock.
Night, all. I love each and every one of you.
***
I've posted this song before, but it's probably the best song I've heard about friendship, so I wanted to post it again. I'm fairly certain this is a different version than what I previously posted. But even if it isn't, it's a magical performance of a beautiful, moving song. I dedicate to all of you.
I mentioned in my previous post that this has been a particularly trying week. What got me through it - in addition to my correspondence with the subject of my previous post - was knowing I had a session with M, my therapist, on Saturday.
I hadn't seen her in seven weeks, because of my new job, and moving, and so on. So I had so, so much to tell her. I was really looking forward to seeing her to start sharing everything that's been happening - good and not-so-good.
Unfortunately, this seems to have been designated "Let's Make Cass Sweat" week <lol> - and whoever paid for it was determined to eke out every minute of the full week.
I got up early - well, actually my coughing got me up early, after being up 'til nearly 3:00 working on a project. The good thing was that meant I had plenty of time to get down there. I could take a walk, get a cup of coffee, and just relax for an hour or so.
Well.
What *should* have been a 70-75 minute drive became a two-and-a-half hour nightmare.
The worst part?
I was stuck less than ten minutes from her office in complete, utter gridlock.
In the past, I would have been fuming; I can imagine the steam that would have been coming out of my ears as the minutes ticked away, minutes during which I had been counting on telling M about what had been happening.
But now... I just wanted to cry. And I did, a little. I was just so, so tired.
I missed all but the last five minutes of my session. And I only got there for that because I ran six blocks without stopping once I finally managed to find a parking spot.
I sat down, panting, and tried to squeeze in as much as I possibly could in the few minutes I had, literally and figuratively breathless the entire time.
When my time was up, I mentioned that I had called her for the first time one year ago last Saturday. The day my life began, as I described it.
She was genuinely shocked.
"I don't think you have any idea how far you've come in such a short time," she said. "The courage it takes to do what you've done so far is remarkable.
"I have clients who have struggled for years to make a tiny fraction of the progress you've made in twelve months. I am so, so proud of you.
"You're having all of these new emotions and new experiences, and you're feeling things so intensely because the hormones are taking effect now.
"You've been on the go non-stop for nearly two months. You started a new job, packed up your old life on the weekends, and moved to a new state. And for all intents and purposes you did all by yourself. *And* you did it with broken ribs and a sore back.
"And on top of all of that... you're transitioning.
"I know you have so much you want to do, and need to do, and that you want to do it all at the same time, and as soon as you can, and the best you can possibly do it...
"But you also need to know that it's OK to slow down. Even if it's just for a little while to catch your breath.
"So... slow down. Please? Just a little bit? Just for a little while?
Will you promise me you'll at least try?"
M, like all good therapists, NEVER tells a patient what to do.
So I knew she meant it.
So I promised I would do my best.
I told my friend this week that I want to be where she is right now, and to have what she has, and I want it so badly it hurts.
But I know I have to let time take its course.
And M's words reminded me how far I've come in what really isn't much time. (Yes, I wanted to cry when she told me she was proud of me. And I did, a little. So did she. :c))
So.
I promise that I will do my very best to just… be.
I don't need to hide in work anymore.
I don't need to frantically work on three major projects simultaneously, then start them over when they were nearly done, simply so I didn't have to be alone with my thoughts.
I can just be myself.
Because now, finally, thanks to M and my dear, dear, friends, I like who I am.
And even more, who I'm *going* to be.
And that's worth taking a little time to appreciate.
So I will.
***
Here's what I think is the single most moving song about friendship I have ever heard: Nanci Griffith's lovely tribute to her best friend, "There's A Light Beyond These Woods (Mary Margaret)."
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