I haven't been sleeping well for several weeks, and it's finally caught up with me the past week or so.
It isn't anything I haven't dealt with before, nor is it something that is going to stop me.
But it's still been a difficult few weeks.
I tend to focus on the more humorous and light-hearted, as so many transitioning blogs can be, well, kind of a downer. :c) But it's important to also write when I'm feeling a bit blue myself.
I know there are a few people who read this blog, and maybe someone in the future will find something that is useful to them. And that's part of the reason why I write. The most important, and somewhat selfish, reason, is a) so I can figure out how I feel about certain things, as writing seems to be how I do that; and b) to help me remember how I was feeling during my transition.
Just a roundup of the goings-on the past few weeks here in Cass's corner of the world. It has been/will be pretty frantic for the next month or so. But a good frantic. :c)
Winter is nearly over, and you know what that means: my fully-clad moose friend, Mr. M, has stirred from his winter doldrums, anxious to indulge his jones for rambling.
I know the feeling, and not just because Mr. M spends his winters perched on my bed. (He hogs the covers, as you might imagine.) But there comes a time when you need to make a move to new environs. Or, to be precise, new environs for Mr. M, but familiar environs for me. And so we have.
After a seemingly endless six month search, I finally start my new job on Monday. For both myself and Mr. M, this is a mixed blessing, as these things so often are.
So, I've been gently encouraged by a certain someone (who shall remain nameless, but she knows who she is ;c)) to post a bit more often. So, here goes!
It's been an eventful few weeks in this little corner of the blogosphere. On the weather front, there was an earthquake, and a hurricane, and a loss of power for two-plus days.
On the transition front, my sister is visiting next week, and I'm going to come out to her. I also came out to a good friend at work, who was absolutely wonderful and has been incredibly supportive. I knew she would be, but it's still a wonderful, affirming experience each time it happens.
Unfortunately, though, I have to amend that to "a good friend where I *used to* work." Because, sadly, our project was cancelled, and we, along with a number of colleagues, were laid off effective last Friday.
No layoffs are fun (I've gone through my share, having worked in high tech as a contractor), but this one is particularly sad because this was the nicest group of people I've ever worked with. And I've been fortunate in that regard. Please send some good vibes their way; these folks deserved a much, much better fate.
Ideally, my former company will be able to bring in another contract fairly soon and call back at least some of us. Failing that, I hope to land something to get me through my current lease (which, of course, I had signed the day *before* we found out the project was in trouble). If I can do that, I'll be relocating back to Seattle next spring. In hindsight I never should've left there at all, but what's done is done. No regrets, as the song goes, right?
The timing was particularly bad because I was planning to start electrolysis this month. I was also planning to talk with M, my therapist, about a timeline to get my letter. I still plan on asking her about it this week. I'd like to get it sooner rather than later; better to have it in my hands in light of this much uncertainty.
No matter what, though, this isn't stopping my transition. It may or may not delay it, but it WILL happen. I'm not going back to where I was, and I'm going to do what I have to do to make this happen, and sooner rather than later. On that note, if anyone has a freelance writing project that will cover the cost of transitioning, moving cross-country, and, ideally, a nifty condo with a view of Puget Sound, please drop me a line. Oh, and if you want to throw in the cost of season tickets to the Mariners, feel free. <g> (There's proof of what a determined gal I am - I'm STILL a Mariners fan...)
So, that's where things stand as of now. More to follow!
In the interim, a few tunes that have been running through my head recently. First up, a classic from Tears For Fears that sums things up nicely:
Next, Jerry Garcia's excellent cover of "Waiting For A Miracle," a song about finding the courage to carry on no matter the odds, written by the great Bruce Cockburn:
And last but not least, possibly the two most uplifting songs I know:
I know you got a lot of good things happening up ahead The past is gone, it's all been said
So here's to what the future brings I hope tomorrow you'll find better things
I know tomorrow you'll find better things I know tomorow you'll find better things
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