Hi everyone. This post evolved quite a bit as I worked on it today. I've had a lot on my mind the past few months, and that came out as I was writing this today. It began as a brief post on my recent visit to the salon, but it soon evolved into something much more involved.
Upon reading it now, I think the two pieces of the post - the original, somewhat light-hearted idea, and the more intensive, soul-searching conclusion - share a common thread: self-worth, and self-awareness. I hope you find it worthwhile.
Hi everyone. I want to say thank you to everyone checking in the past few weeks. It means a lot. It's been a long, mentally tiring stretch.
My therapist helped quite a bit at our session last week. As she always does, she is able to help me look at the big picture.
Quite honestly, she took me by surprise. I had assumed she would agree with my decision to move on.
But she did not.
"I know why this hurt you so deeply, and why you feel such terrible sadness," she said.
"But this is where things are at this moment, Cass. Not forever; just for this moment. That's all."
Her advice was to step back for a bit and give myself a chance to process everything. She helped me see that there has been a great deal of progress - but that it doesn't always occur in a straight line. People make mistakes, get scared, and sometimes don't know what to do. (She was also referring to me when she pointed these things out, needless to say.)
In any case, that is what I'm doing at the moment. Taking a break. Thinking a lot. And remembering why it is worth investing this much time and effort. Some things - some people - are worth it.
Even when they drive you crazy.
Maybe especially when they drive you crazy. :c)
***
The title of this post has nothing to do with the previous section. Unfortunately for me, it does have to do with a sore spot - specifically, my lower back. :-/
I had electrolysis last Tuesday after work, as I always do. We were working on my neck - always a great deal of fun, needless to say - and I wound up laying at a slightly uncomfortable angle for about 15-20 minutes.
It didn't hurt; in fact, I felt fine when I finished the session. It wasn't until I stepped out of my car 20-25 minutes later that I realized my lower back was quite sore.
I never have back problems, fortunately. I'm grateful - and lucky. One of my legs is nearly a half-inche longer than the other, something I only found out a few years ago at a free chiropractic screening at my gym.
The chiropractor was astounded that I've never had any back problems with such a discrepancy. She attributed it to being slender and exercising regularly to keep my core muscles strong.
In any case, I've had a stiff back since. It was much better by Friday, but still a bit sore. For once I didn't ignore it or try to do too much to soon. I went for several short walks (45 minutes) and one relatively long one (1 hr 45 min) Thursday through Saturday.
Today it felt well enough that I decided to try my first run in a week. If it started to feel even a bit off, I was going to stop.
Happily, it did not. I was able to run six miles, albeit at slightly less than my normal pace, and walk for another hour. Once my muscles loosened up in the chilly weather, my back felt fine. And it still does, five hours later. Hopefully I'm back on track.
I took the photo above after returning home, btw. Even my hats don't really fit me any longer, oddly enough. I suppose there are worse problems...
Have a good week, everyone. And thank you again.
***
I chose a few songs that seemed to fit this post. Up first is a soul classic from Archie Bell & The Drells - 1968's "Tighten Up":
And here's a song from one of my all-time favorite bands - "She's Tight," from Cheap Trick's terrific 1982 album One on One:
And last but not least, here's The Who with "Slip Kid," from 1975's The Who By Numbers:
This is an underrated album, which is probably inevitable since it followed their two greatest albums, Who's Next (1971) and Quadrophenia (1973). But it's quite good on its own merits. John Entwistle drew the cover, incidentally...
It's 3:41 AM on Sunday morning as I write this. I gave up trying to sleep several hours ago. I spent nearly two hours working on a post to summarize how I am feeling right now.
But I just read it, and it does not come remotely close to getting across how low I feel. As I usually do, I try to distance myself from how I feel through the words I use.
Well, I can't do that. Not this time.
I don't think I can get across the intensity of the pain I feel now. But I need to try.
So...
There's been something I've wanted to write about for a while now. A few
months, really. But this is the first chance I've had to really devote some
time to it. Things have been quite frantic since I started at this new job back
in mid-March... which is when this tale really took a turn. An interesting one.
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