Musings: That Restless Kind of Feeling

Hello all. Hope everyone is doing well. 

We had yet more snow again this week here, and a continuation of the usually lengthy cold as well. It looks as if we're finally going to be back to normal temperatures here starting this week (around 40°F / 6°C), and some rain tomorrow. 

With any luck the sidewalks will be mostly clear by the end of the week. It's been a long time since it's been safe to walk for an extended distance, let alone run, and I've been raring to ramp up both activities. It's been too long without them, at least at the levels I like. And need.

That feeling of restlessness is pretty pervasive in my life right now, and consequently has been on my mind quite a bit lately. I inadvertently hit Shuffle while listening to music a few days ago (I tend to listen to entire albums - old school, I know), and this song popped up:

"Restless" is from Gordon Lightfoot's 1993 album Waiting For You. It was recognized as a return to form after several somewhat sterile, overproduced albums (albeit with some hidden gems), and "Restless," the leadoff track, was rightfully hailed as one of his major works. (He apparently feels the same way, as he plays "Restless" at nearly every concert since the album's release.)

For me, this restlessness has been uncomfortable. But listening to his reflections on it made me look at it another way:

There's a kind of a restless feeling and it pulls me from within

It sets my senses reeling and my wheels begin to spin

In the quietude of winter you can hear the wild geese cry

And I will always love that sound until the day I die

***

There's a kind of a restless feeling and it catches you off guard

As I gaze off at the distance through the trees in my back yard

I can feel that restless yearning of those geese as off they roam

Then trade that for a warm bed and a place I can call home

As is so often the case, it's all a matter of perspective, isn't it? 

That restlessness isn't a bad thing to be overcome.

Instead, if you allow yourself to listen, it's that quiet inner voice telling you not to settle. 

Not to give up. 

To keep striving. 

It was a message I think I heard for a reason this week. 

***

Friday night I listened to what might be my one Desert Island Disc (if, God forbid, I could only have one): Bruce Springsteen's Darkness on the Edge of Town (1978). 

I've written about the album a number of times here. He recorded the album after a protracted legal battle with his former manager over the control of his career that, for a time, looked as if it would prevent him from being able to record again. 

Springsteen prevailed, but he was profoundly changed by what had happened. Born To Run, his previous album, was filled with songs about protagonists looking ahead with hope. 

Darkness, by contrast, was about those same characters several years later. Their youthful idealism has been battered by the harsh realities of the world. The songs were no longer about triumph, but instead were about survival.

That said, they were not about hopelessness, but about vowing to carry on no matter the odds:

Talk about a dream

Try to make it real

You wake up in the night

With a fear so real

You spend your life waiting

For a moment that just don't come

Well, don't waste your time waiting  

I came across a 2010 interview he gave around the time of a deluxe reissue of the album. Reading it this weekend, I was struck by something he said about his state of mind as he headed back into the studio to record what became Darkness. He and Gordon Lightfoot have a similar attitude about the virtue - the necessity - of giving your all in pursuit of your vision: 

“The only thing I was always nervous about was not living up to what my potential might be,” he said. “That frightened me the most. I didn’t think I was the most gifted performer or singer. I felt like I was given a heavy dose of journeyman’s talents, and that if I worked those things with everything I had, they could coalesce into something that was specifically mine.”

That's a remarkably humble assessment from one of the great American songwriters. But the message really hits home: it's about putting in the hard work to find something uniquely yours. If that approach is good enough for Bruce, it's certainly good enough for the rest of us, no? :c) 

And frankly, that's what transitioning is (if you do it the right way, at least), isn't it? Taking a leap of faith in the pursuit of being yourself, in spite of the uncertainty and fear, and then doing the hard work to make it happen. And if we can do that... we can do anything. A good message for a Sunday evening. Or any evening, really. :c) To quote a line from another song of his about living to the fullest: "Mama always told me not to look into the eyes of the sun/Oh, but Mama/That's where the fun is." :c)

 ***

Part of the hard work Springsteen put in realizing his vision for this album was only including work that fit that vision. During the Darkness sessions he recorded, then gave away, songs that other artists made the centerpiece of their albums. He gave this song to the Pointer Sisters, who had a huge hit with it in 1979:

Most famously, he wrote and recorded "Because the Night," then gave it to Patti Smith, who recorded her classic version (with revised lyrics) that became a major hit in 1978:

A stark, riveting version that featured a ferocious, extended guitar solo from Springsteen was a nightly high point on the legendary tour following the album's release. This is from his show at The Capitol Theatre in Passaic NJ on 9.19.78. It's my favorite Springsteen show. Watch and you'll understand why:

Never get tired of watching that!

***

I thought I'd end with a song Springsteen co-wrote with Southside Johnny Lyon and Steve Van Zandt (a/k/a Miami Steve of E Street Band fame). "Trapped Again" was a highlight of Heart of Stone, the 1978 album from Southside Johnny & The Asbury Jukes. How this song wasn't a massive hit boggles the mind:

It really has that late-Seventies Jersey Shore sound, doesn't it? Such a great song.

That will do it for this one. Have a great week!

Still Here...

Hello all. It's been a long time. There's been a lot going on, so let me get right to it. 

Most important is my nephew C's health. He was back in the hospital yet again, I'm afraid. He has been seriously ill for over a year and a half, and the latest complications put him back in the hospital for nearly three weeks. I won't go into specifics, but he has had a very, very difficult time. His new team of doctors are excellent; the problem has been getting him healthy for a long enough period so that his system can fully recover. He's only 25, and it's absolutely heartbreaking to see him suffer like this. I would switch places in a heartbeat if I could.

The good news - and there is good news, fortunately - is that his doctors know what has been causing this. He is feeling better the past few days, and got out of the hospital yesterday. Without going into specifics, he will need home care for several months, which they believe will, finally, get him past all of this once and for all. My nephew has been a trouper through all of this; he is my hero, in no uncertain terms. I know he will get past this. Please keep him, and my sister, in your thoughts.

***

On to other matters. Work has been insanely, exhaustingly busy for months now, with no letup in sight. It has been absolutely grueling. I could say more, but for now I will leave it at that. Perhaps there will be more to say at some point relatively soon.

The last time I wrote I was recovering from three broken ribs, which I'd injured just before Christmas while out walking. Hard as it may seem to believe (although not for anyone who knows me), I managed to break the same three ribs *again* in early February when I slipped on black ice in my driveway. It could have been much worse; I also whacked my head on the railing, but managed to escape with only a nasty headache for a few days.

Speaking of hard to believe, I put myself on the disable list yet again just a few weeks ago, this time while visiting my dear friends A & B in Canada. We stopped for gas, and I was trying to get out of A's full-size SUV to pay. My feet got tangled in my pocketbook, and I fell - hard - onto the ground. Again, it could have been much more serious, but I escaped with a deep bruise to my right knee and some scrapes on my hands. 

Even for a klutz like me this is quite the run of incidents. The worst part has been my inability to do pretty much any exercise for months on end. Even before Christmas I'd been extremely busy with both work and a personal project that was enormously time-consuming. Exercise is my great stress reducer, so having to go without for month after month while under a great deal of stress has been very difficult. My ribs are healed, and my knee is on the mend. If I can manage to stay injury-free, I hope to start running and exercising again in another week or so. It is badly, badly needed, for both my physical and emotional well-being.

I've been in a rut for a long time - really, since my surgery in September 2017. There are a number of reasons why, mostly beyond my control. That being said, I know I need to do something - anything - to move forward. I have a birthday very soon, and it's reminded me that I have been in limbo for far too long. Again, hopefully I can elaborate in a future post, but for now suffice it so say that I am more than ready to move to the next phase of my journey - long overdue, in fact. Fingers crossed that I'm able to do so in short order.

***

I'll end with some music. I had the great pleasure of finally attending a concert by one of the last performers on my must-see list: Gordon Lightfoot. I saw him in Parry Sound, Ontario (Bobby Orr's hometown, for the hockey buffs), at a lovely, intimate theatre. He's 80 years old now, and also had major abdominal surgery about 15 years ago that permanently damaged his voice. But he still has those amazing songs, as well as a superb band that more than did justice to them. It was wonderful to see him. Amazingly, he has a new album coming out later this year - his first since 2004 - and the buzz is that it's excellent. I cannot wait to hear it.

Meanwhile, here are just a few gems from his remarkable songbook. First up is my very favorite song from Mr. Lightfoot - "Early Morning Rain", from a 1972 BBC performance.

Next is the aptly-named "Beautiful," from his 1979 Soundstage performance for PBS:

Arguably his best-known song - "If You Could Read My Mind," from a 1974 performance on The Midnight Special. Such a great, great song:

Next up: his other best-known song - "The Wreck of the Edmund Fitzgerald," from 1976. Such a haunting, somber song:

And finally, a fitting song for spring - "Summer Side of Life," from one of his best albums, 1971's Don Quixote. This is from the same 1972 BBC broadcast.

I've always loved his vocals on this track; so expressive, and so much emotion. I never get tired of hearing this - or any of his songs, for that matter. There's a reason Bob Dylan consistently cites Lightfoot as one of his favorite songwriters.

Hope you all have a good week. Hope to write more frequently in the weeks to come...

Musings on Montreal, Pt. 1: The Way I Feel

Hello all. Hope everyone had a good week.

After what felt like an eternity of endless heat & humidity, both here and in Montreal, it finally feels like something approximating autumn. This being New England, of course, that meant receiving three inches of rain in barely 36 hours earlier this week, with an even more powerful storm headed our way tomorrow evening into Monday. Oh well, we badly need the rain. And at least the humidity is finally gone. I'll take that trade. :c)

My nephew C is doing a bit better every day. He's still quite weak, and doesn't have much of an appetite, but he's still slowly improving. Thank you again to those of you checking in on him.

If you've read my most recent posts, you know I've been planing to write about my experience having my surgery with Dr. Brassard in Montreal last month. Amazingly, it was over five weeks ago already; it seems as if it was simultaneously yesterday and a million years ago.

Confession time: I've started this post several times now, only to feel dissatisfied and abandon what I'd written.

I finally realized why: trying to summarize the most important thing I've ever done in my life in a single post is daunting.

So, I won't. :c)

Instead, I think I'll just share my thoughts in more than one post.

How many posts, you ask?

I'm not sure, to be honest. But please feel free to tag along, and we can find out together. For now, follow along below the jump. I'll see you on the other side (as we told each other as our turn came for surgery up in Montreal). :-p

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Chilled Cass (a/k/a Spring Has Been Sprung)

Chuffed Cass, searching the Internet for where spring went.

Happy Sunday evening from frigid New England. The weather has been crazy here, even by Boston standards. On Thursday and Friday of last week the temperatures reached 70 F (21 C); I wore sandals to work for the first time since last October.

Today? Snow, a high temperature of 32F (0C), and gale force winds (with gusts up to 60 mph/96kph). Tomorrow will be even colder, with half a foot of snow (~15 cm) and more wind. You would never suspect that tomorrow is Opening Day for most major league baseball teams, including personal favorites Boston and Seattle. (Toronto and Pittsburgh, my other two adopted teams, actually opened - and won - their season openers today - yea!)

Anyway, I just wanted to check in and say hello; I'm wiped out after four-plus intense months on both the personal and professional fronts. With a bit of luck the craziness on the professional side peaked last Friday, and should begin to slow down considerably - and not a moment too soon, to be honest.

I promise I'll write more detailed posts soon; at the moment I'm just too worn out at the end of the day, or even on the weekends, to do much more than the cursory posts I've been putting up recently. Thank you for bearing with me, all. :c) Have a good week, everyone...

***

In honor of Opening Day, here's a lovely song by folk singer Chuck Brodsky, "Letters in the Dirt." While the ostensible subject of the song is baseball (and specifically Richie Allen, an outstanding player for the Philadelphia Phillies in the Sixties), it's really a moving meditation on racism, injustice, and childhood innocence.

I'm pretty sure I've posted this next one before, but it's such a great song it deserves to be heard again. Greg Brown's thoughtful "Laughing River," from his 1992 Dream Cafe album, uses baseball as a metaphor for self-acceptance, resilience, and contentment.

This has always felt like a song Gordon Lightfoot could have written, which is high praise indeed. Perhaps it's the chord changes, or that it's set on Michigan's Upper Peninsula; regardless, it's one that is clearly inspired by one of Canada's greatest songwriters, and more than does him justice.

Last but not least, a song that sums up the past few days here - the great Bill Evans (from his classic 1962 Moonbeams album) and "It Might As Well Be Spring." It should, but this certainly helps take the chill out of the air while we wait for it...

Still Still Here (a/k/a A Few Recent Pics)

Yes, I'm still here. :D And there really *is* a long, long post coming. Honestly! Once it's done all will be clear. Promise. :c) In the meantime, here's... well, more of me. lol

***

Just some random artists for your listening pleasure... or *are* they?!?!? Hmmm... :D

Lovely Blogger Award (Plus Seven Things About... Me!!!)

Hi everyone! Hope you are enjoying the weekend! I have several posts nearly ready to go, but I wanted to start with this one - because I, of all people, was given an award!

Yup, it's true, and it came courtesy of my Canadian friend Ashley, from beautiful Edmonton AB, who included me in her list of bloggers to receive this honor:

Thank you so much, hon - that was so sweet of you!

Nothing in life is free, however, including this award. :D Happily, though, the strings attached to this honor are a pleasure:

1. Thank and link back to the person who nominated you. (Done!)
2. List the rules and display the award.
3. Include seven facts about yourself.

4. Nominate 15 other bloggers and let them know about the award.
 (OK, I punted on this one, but I did my best!)
5. Display the award and follow the blogger who nominated you (if not already!). (I am no Cass-come-lately lol, since I was smart enough to begin following Ashley months ago!)

Coming next: seven facts about... me!!!

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The Way I Feel

So... There's been something I've wanted to write about for a while now. A few months, really. But this is the first chance I've had to really devote some time to it. Things have been quite frantic since I started at this new job back in mid-March... which is when this tale really took a turn. An interesting one.

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