Q: Can't You See? A: Yes (Finally). (a/k/a Cassidy Has Contacts)

Hi everyone. Hope you all had a good week.

Mine was challenging, for several reasons. But I'm surviving.

Details on that, and some more upbeat news (honest), below the fold.

Read more »

The Incredible Shrinking Cass (a/k/a A Little Less of Me)

I'm shrinking.

I just didn't realize it until last night.

Yesterday was the first day that felt like winter here - a cold, soaking rain, 30-40 MPH (48-64 KPH), and temperatures in the lows 40s F (4C). I attended a concert - Bruce Cockburn, a longtime favorite, who was wonderful, per usual. 

I was cold all day. No, scratch that - I was fa-ree-ee-zing. Ever since I started HRT, I spent most months other than June to August shivering. I wore a cami, a long sleeve t-shirt, and a heavy hooded sweatshirt all day - indoors, no less - and I was *still* shivering. (As I write this I'm in bed, wearing a flannel nightgown and huddled under flannel sheets, a blanket, and not one, but two afghans - and I'm *still* shivering.)

So, when I was headed off to the concert, I went to my closet where I store my winter clothes and pulled out the leather jacket I received for Christmas about five years ago.

It's a boy's coat, but I was able to wear it last winter without much of a problem. And it fit fine.

Then I put it on.

Oh.

My.

God.

One thought flashed through my mind: 

I'm shrinking!

I looked like a little girl trying on Daddy's coat! lol

I mean, it just hangs off of me now. And it fit perfectly last winter. Not anymore, clearly.

I wore a pair of capris to work a few days ago. They've fit... well, honestly for most of the year they were, umm, snug.

No longer.

My co-worker R called out to me after I walked past her.

"Those are so loose on you, hon," she says. "You look like a girl wearing her boyfriend's jeans!"

And she was right. Again... they were hanging off me.

I've been running since the beginning of August.

When I began, I could run literally run for one minute before I needed to rest.

Ten days ago I ran for 60 minutes (5.5 miles) without stopping.

I've lost 22 lbs. in three months. And I've lost 32 lbs. since the beginning of March.

My goal is to lose another 15 or so pounds. That will get me back to what I weighed from my junior year in high school until I started this job. Really, what I've weighed for most of my life.

I don't think I realized just how much of an impact the running has had.

Now I do.

This was what sealed the deal (I took these earlier this afternoon):

 

If you told me I would look like this at the beginning of August, I would have laughed at you. I still can't believe it's me. The past few days have been such a revelation. In the best ways.

I'll be writing more about this. But for now, suffice it to say that I'm beginning to see the woman so many people have been telling me they've seen all along.

BTW, this was me wearing the jacket last night:

:#)

More later, everyone. Love you all! xoxoxo

***

A few from Toronto's finest,  Bruce Cockburn.

Here's what's probably his best-known song (in the States, that is). This is "Wondering Where The Lions Are," from his 1979 album Dancing In The Dragon's Jaws:

Another you might know - "Lovers In A Dangerous Time," from 1984's Stealing Fire:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7IX4gWkFqvU

And a personal favorite - "January In The Halifax Airport Lounge," from 1975's Joy Will Find A Way:

Cass Gets Bang-ed (a/k/a My New 'Do)

Happy Friday all! Hope your weekend is off to a rousing start.

As the title indicates, my weekend began with a trip to the hairdresser to get my 'do done. :) It's been two months, and the color definitely was in need of a serious tune-up.

Last time we went with a really, really dark red, which was a lot of fun. But this time we opted to go back to the strawberry blonde look we'd been using previously.

I'm really pleased with the results, as usual. J, my stylist, is a true artist, as I tell her every time I see her. She is wonderful. She was amazed at how long my hair is getting, as were the other stylists, none of whom have seen me for two months.

It has to be the hormones; I've read that hair growth is a potential side effect, and that is the only reasonable explanation for both how fast it's growing and how much thicker it's become. I am not complaining, believe me!

We dug out a photo of me from my first visit 18 months ago, well before I was full-time. As J noted, "you're a totally different person now." Even I can sense that, although I clearly don't see all of the changes they seem to see. (More on that another time.)

Anyway, the reason I wrote this post is alluded to in my perfectly innocent, not-at-all-a-double-entendre title. ;) After the color was done, J got to work trimming the split ends so my hair continues to grow "like weeds," as she put it.

Suddenly she became very animated, stepping back with widened eyes.

"You know what we should try, hon?" she said. "Bangs! I'll bet it would look super-cute!"

S, another stylist, immediately chimed in, saying she thought it was a great idea.

I said what the heck? You only live once, after all. :D And as J pointed out, I can always just pull them to the side if I decide I don't like the look.

Well, that turns out to be a moot point. :) Once I put on my glasses to see the finished product, I gasped. I look *so* much like my sister, who also wears bangs, that it was uncanny. (As April sagely noted, "It's almost as if you two are related!")

J straightened my hair, something I usually don't do, mostly because I like my hair wavy. But I like this enough to want to replicate the look fairly frequently.

In any case, you can judge for yourself right now. :c)

Next up is getting my eyebrows shaped. Several of the other photos I took convinced me that it is past time to get 'em done. My electrologist did a very good job, but several friends whose opinion I respect a great deal all have told me separately over the past 7-10 days that there is still room for improvement. So I will get it done. And soon.

Hope everyone has a nice Saturday! Stay tuned for more posts in the days to come!

***

I celebrated my new look by stopping off at Starbucks across from the mall where my salon is located for some baseball chat and iced coffee with my barista friends. R was in charge of the soundtrack for the evening, and happily he decided it was a Who kind of evening. Far be it for me to buck that trend!

I've always linked these two songs together in my mind - as does Townshend, apparently, since they close Side 1 and open Side 2, respectively, on the original LP:

I always marvel at the contrast between Daltrey and Townshend's singing styles. It's remarkable how well Daltrey's gruff, blunt tone contrasts so beautifully with Townshend's more fragile, vulnerable voice. It renders them capable of capturing a range of emotions neither of them could reach alone, which is what makes them such a great team.

One last track, this time Pete's original version of "Pure & Easy," which Daltrey quotes so memorably in the vocal tag at the conclusion of "The Song Is Over":

Radio, Radio

Hello everyone! I am happy to report that your humble blogstress is writing this on the very first evening of her vacation - yea!!!

My plan is to do some serious writing next week while I am off; we shall see how that goes. :c)

In the meantime, though, I thought I would do a catch-up post about my recent radio miss-adventure, since it was, you know, nearly two weeks ago at this point. It even resulted in some good news - and totally unexpected good news at that!

But before I do, and at the risk of ruining the suspense of whether I did, in fact, single-handedly bring down an entire radio station… I want to mention that I will be on the air again with Mike on the Mic, this time from 9:00-11:00 AM Eastern here in the States. You can listen online at www.wmfo.org; I will also post a link to the archived version (as a comment to this post) once it’s available.

With that bit of business out of the way, I invite you to follow along below the fold! :D

Read more »

Happy Monday(s)

I was working on a post, but, as so often happens, life moves so quickly that keeping up is well nigh impossible. In this case, though, I am very happy to adjust on the fly.

It all started last week. I had to attend a wake, sadly, and needed to purchase a new dress appropriate for the occassion. I found one in short order, and headed for the cash register. 

I was rummaging through my purse trying - fruitlessly, per usual - to find my wallet. 

Suddenly something caught my eye. I looked up - and saw a dress that literally stopped me in my tracks. 

For the first time I ever thought to myself, "You MUST buy that dress."

There was only one on the rack. 

I checked the label; it was my size.

Without a moment's hesitation I dropped it into my cart and headed for the register. I never even looked at the price. Not that it would have mattered; I was going to buy it. I couldn't explain it; I was drawn to it. 

It was shortly before closing time on a weeknight, so there was only one person in line ahead of me, a woman in her sixties. She glanced up as I passed her, then turned around.

"Hon, you are going to look adorable in that!" she said, unprompted. 

"Oh, thank you," I replied. "That's very sweet of you to say."

"It's perfect for you. I can tell just from looking at it in the cart," she said.

No sooner did I reach the next register when the cashier, also in her 60s, held up the dress and exclamed, "Oh, my!"

I asked her if something was wrong.

"Oh, no, dear," she replied, smiling. "It's just that this dress is perfect for you!"

"Thank you," I said, amazed. "The lady in front of me just now said she liked it too."

"No wonder," she said. "It was made for you! I'm jealous; I can't pull off this  type of dress. But I can tell you;re going to be cute as a button in it."

Needless to say, THAT was a first for me!

My friends J & T had me over for brunch on Sunday. We hadn't seen each other in person for a full year, so I decided to dress up for the occasion and wear it for the first time.

I loved it. It felt wonderfully feminine. *I* felt wonderfully feminine. 

They complimented me on the dress, which was very kind of them. J also complimented me for bringing a sweater (I pick things up quickly, you see).

The best part of this saga, however, was still yet to come.

Monday did not start off well. Work has been even more chaotic than usual, which scarcely seemed possible. Long story short: the crisis du jour was resolved, and we finally, mercifully, finished this project  (other than a few stray documents I need to update once I am given the information to add).

Near the end of the day, I was having a relatively intense work-related discussion with my friend A, whom I have mentioned in this blog before. She is extremely smart, very sweet, quite stylish, and also quite lovely. (Those traits are not necessarily listed in order. ;-p)

We were discussing several of the issues that had been uncovered over the past few days when A suddenly stopped speaking. She stepped back and looked at me for a long moment. It felt as if she were seeing something new.

 "What's up?" I asked.

"Cass... you look absolutely gorgeous today!" she said, smiling.

"Oh, thank you, A!" I said. I am certain I was blushing furiously. "That's such a lovely thing for you to say!"

"It's true," she said. "You really do look beautiful, Cass. You need to wear this style and these colors a lot more often. They really suit your looks, your coloring, and your personality."

I was - am - incredibly flattered. I am not used to anyone really noticing me. I don't say that seeking pity, or out of self-hatred; it is a simple observation. I didn't want anyone to notice me for most of my life. I preferred to lurk in the shadows, where it felt safer. Lonely, but safer.

People do seem to notice me now; I was actually working on a post about the recent rash of total strangers coming up to me to say something about my hair. It's happened a half-dozen times in the past few months, which is hard to belive. As R and S have pointed out, though, "people like gingers." Apparently so. lol)

I am still shocked, pleasantly so, that A would be moved to say that to me. Quite truthfully, I don't see what she must see; I still see him in the mirror, or at least traces of him, every time. I certainly don't feel cute, or pretty, let alone gorgeous.

Perhaps that will change as time goes on and my memories of being "him" fade further. (It is already happening, just as my friends predicted it would. I catch myself referring to "the boy" more and more often as if he were another person altogether - because, of course, he was.)

For now, though, it is wonderfully, incredibly affirming to have someone I look up to in terms of style and presenting oneself pay me such a lovely compliment. 

I have a feeling that moment will stay with me for some time to come. I am smiling right now just typing these words. Perhaps all of the hard work and heartache and stress are beginning to pay off.

I look forward to finding out in the days, weeks, and months to come. :c)

***

Here are a few shots of the dress in question. I love my expression in the first one; I have no idea why on earth I have such a mischiveous gleam in my eye though! lol

And here I am wearing my glasses:

April calls this one my "sexy librarian" look. I will take that - with the caveat that I cannot WAIT until I can put my hair up in a bun and *really* complete the look. Check this space in one year's time, I suppose...

***

I am on vacation, as I noted in my last post, and am writing this in my hotel room after returning to downtown Newport from Day 1 of the Folk Festival. It took me over three hours to drive here from Boston, which is typically a 75-80 minute trip, but it is all good.

I saw Band of Horses and Ryan Adams, both of whom were terrific. (The new album from Mr. Adams is going to be a barn-burner, if the songs he debuted during his set are any indication.)

I posted clips of both acts in that previous post, so here's one of another act I am very much looking forward to seeing this weekend: Shovels & Rope.

http://youtu.be/iQrMzrrLqOA

Aren't they just too cute together? They're a husband and wife duo; their second album is due out in a few weeks, and I am very much looking forward to hearing some of the new songs from it.

Vignettes: How Cass Spent Her Friday Evening, Part I (a/k/a Cass's New 'Do Revue)

As I mentioned in my previous post, I got my hair done last night. They only see me every two months, so it's always interesting to hear their reactions.

One thing I learned, or had reinforced, last night: hormones are mighty powerful. :D

Read more »

Checkin' In With Cass

Hello all! Very quick post to let everyone know I am alive and well (or as close as I get) - and busy. Very, very busy. (I was up until nearly 2:00 AM on Wednesday night working on a project with my sister.)

Unfortunately, my schedule will not let up for another month or so, after which things should calm down substantially (she said hopefully).

Quite honestly, I need a break. It has been an intense two-and-a-half years since deciding to start HRT, and I am bone tired. Even my vacations of the past two years haven't been relaxing. I was dealing with the fallout from my transition each time, and with depression on several of them.

Things are better, even on less-than-great days. As I told my sister earlier tonight, experiencing a bad day as a girl - as myself - is infinitely better than a good day trying to pretend to be someone I was not. It is no contest. That being said, some downtime is clearly in order, and I hope to have some within the next 8-10 weeks.

***

On a light note, I had to mention that I have noticed that the impending arrival of summer seems to have all sorts of things blossoming - including, apparently, my hair:

I find that amazing. It really does seem to be growing like weeds, as the stylists at my salon say each time I come in.

I'm thrilled, needless to say :D - and hope that it keeps growing like this! I cannot wait until I can put it up. I am very much looking forward to that.

I'm getting my hair done tomorrow, btw - just the color, not a cut. We were thinking of going lighter for the summer, but I lovelovelove this shade of red. 

I have literally had total strangers come up to me on the street, unbidden, and tell me how striking this color is, and how it suits me. That would be flattering anywhere, but in Boston? It beggars disbelief. (Boston is consistently near the top of the list for rudest/unfriendliest US cities - and with good reason.)

As my manager L (who is from Texas) noted today after I told her, "Wait - people in New England are stopping to compliment you?!? You're sure they weren't tourists?" lol

Anyway, here's another pic, which also better shows off my new glasses. And note the crazy hair; summertime is coming when it starts to get out of control like this.

And on that note, may you all have a lovely, and hopefully summer-like - Friday! I am glad the weekend is almost here. :D

***

Sarah McLachlan, a long-time favorite of mine, just released her latest album, Shine On.  It's being hailed as one of her best, and I am inclined to agree. Here she is performing the leadoff single, "In Your Shoes."

P.S. I love her hair! :D

One more song, from the album that put her on the map, 1991's Solace. This is "Into The Fire," performed on Late Night with David Letterman in early 1992:

Vignettes: Cass's (New) Glasses!

Apologies for the lack of activity hereabouts lately. Your humble blogstress has been quite busy. I have several posts in various stages of readiness, and will do my best to wrap them up and get 'em posted forthwith!

In the meantime, I thought I would share a few pics of my new glasses, which I picked up on Thursday, as well as a quick story about a nice moment afterwards. 

Follow along for more below the jump - but here's a sneak peek for the immediate gratification crowd. ;c)

Read more »

Musings: Face the Face

Hi kids! Hope everyone had a nice week, and is enjoying the weekend.

I am worn out from a long week. Not in a bad way… just busy. And also from my last two electrolysis sessions.

Well, they turned out be mostly laser sessions, actually, with a bit of electrolysis thrown in at the end.

Follow below the fold for details of my latest electrifying adventures.

(Get it? :D)

Read more »

One Step Ahead

Hi everyone. Hope you are all enjoying the weekend.

It's been a long, tiring week here, for reasons I would prefer not to go into. Some work-related, some personal, some family, and others just general weariness. This has been an endless, brutal winter, and it has taken a toll. Hopefully I will shake the blahs/doldrums in short order.

Rather than dwell on the negatives, I will briefly mention a few positive things that have taken place recently.

Read more »

Musings: I See Red. (And Teal.)

Hi all! Hope you're all enjoying your weekend.

We here in the frigid Northeast are simply grateful we are not being subjected to yet another snowstorm this winter. We had 14 inches (35.56 cm) here on Wednesday, with more predicted for Monday, Wednesday, and Thursday. Sigh. At least baseball's spring training camps open in Florida and Arizona next week...

On to some ponderings about the last two or so months, and what I am doing as a result of surviving that dark stretch. Hint: it's all good. :D

Follow along below the fold!

Read more »

Vignettes: Brilliant Disguise

Thought I would dash off a quick post about a recent chat I had via text with my co-worker/friend R.

Pretending to be "him" is becoming increasingly difficult as I progress in my transition. The GD takes a toll, as any of you who are full-time can no doubt attest.

Still, I am doing a good job of maintaining the pretense.

Although it turns out that ain't necessarily so!

:c)

Read more »

A Brief Preview

Happy Post-Turkey Day, everyone!

Just a quick post about a "whoa" moment I had on Wednesday evening. 

Read more »

The Mane Event: The Sequel (a/k/a New 'Do II)

Hey all! Another interesting week is in the record books.

I do wish I had more time to write; life is moving so fast these days. Once I'm in my own bachelorette pad again, I should have more time. In the meantime, rest assured that I am taking car to assemble the essentials needed for the modern girl needs. (You know: shag carpet, Playgirl swizzle sticks, and so on and so forth.)

Anyway, I thought I'd write a bit about my second trip to the salon. Turned out to be another very positive experience, I'm happy to report.

Read more »

Catching Up

Well, hello there. 

Where have you all been?

Just kidding. :c)

Sorry; I know it's been a while, relatively speaking, since I last posted. I've been very busy the past two weeks, and this is literally the first time I've had a chance to sit down and write in that entire time. Lots to discuss - so let's get to it!!!

Read more »

The Mane Event

The past week has mostly been about resting.

But not entirely.

:c)

Read more »

Conversations with C: Speaking in Tongues

I'm consistently surprised by how often my transition gives seemingly mundane conversations an undercurrent of levity that only I can appreciate.

Well, only me for now, at least. :c)

Read more »