Try not to trip

Friday, June 17, 2011

So, after much, much too much time spent in my own head, I've realized it might help to, you know, get out of my head and think out loud. Figuratively speaking, of course. This comes after finally saying out loud - literally - the words I'd never dared speak out loud, let alone even admit to myself: I'm a girl. And I need to do something about it. Now.

So I know where I want to go; I don't know how I'm going to get there yet. And I admit I'm pretty scared right now. Well, actually I'm sort of numb right now. I know that's how the other me dealt with things - just shut down. That doesn't work anymore; writing helps me figure out what's making me feel numb, so here we are. That's "we" as in Kelly and the front she's presented to the world her whole life. But his grip is slipping after a lifetime of desperately fighting off the truth. And I'm OK with that; I just need to let it sink in. Hence this journal, such as it is.

Oh, and the title? It comes from one of my favorite Peanuts cartoons. Charlie Brown is at the plate, and strikes out on three pitches. (Of course.) He sits down next to Lucy and says, "Rats! I'll never make the big leagues." Lucy replies, "Charlie Brown, you're thinking too far ahead. You need to set more immediate goals." He replies, " Immediate goals?" Lucy's response: "That's right. Take next inning. When you walk out to the mound, try not to trip."

For once, Lucy is right. :c) So that's my motto for now: try not to trip. But if I do, I'll just pick myself up, dust myself off, and keep going. Because there's no going back now. And I know that. So tighten that seat belt, Kelly; it's gonna be an interesting ride...


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