I know I have been pretty quiet lately. I'm still dealing with the emotional fallout around the holidays with my family, as well as more stress at work and some ongoing personal matters.
Quite honestly, it takes nearly all of my energy to get out of bed in the morning, and by the time I get home I am so drained I can barely stay awake. I know it's a combination of all of the stress from the matters I mentioned above, as well as everything that has happened the past two-plus years, and the time of year.
I have SAD - Seasonal Affective Disorder - which is at its worst this time of year. Making matters worse, this has been a particularly brutal winter so far. With the exception of a few days last week, it has been much colder than normal here since the beginning of November. We have also had a stormy winter - we are barely a month into the official season, and we will likely surpass our annual average by the time tonight's storm (8-10 inches) is finished.
I know the SAD will go away, and hopefully eventually the lethargy, sadness, and exhaustion will as well. But right now I just need to do the best I can to cope with it all as best I can and hope the better days ahead get here sooner rather than later.
***
Some appropriate music for this post from Daniel Lanois, who hails from northern Ontario. This is from Acadie, his 1989 debut album. This gorgeous, haunting song is called "Ice":
This song is precisely how winter feels to me. Remarkable for an artist to capture something as ephermal as an entire season in a single song. But then, Daniel Lanois is a remarkable artist.
He produced or co-produced, among many others, U2's The Unforgettable Fire, Joshua Tree, and Achtung Baby, Peter Gabriel's So, Robbie Robertson's self-titled solo debut album, Bob Dylan's Oh Mercy and Time Out of Mind, the Neville Brothers' Yellow Moon, and Neil Young's La Noise. If you like any of those albums, you will like his solo albums. Guaranteed.
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6 comments:
Hey You,
Look after yourself! I don't know how much vacation you have available - but if it's available and you need it: use it!
As for the SAD, a colleague of mine has it and uses a Philips light to help fight it. You need to sit in front of it for a couple of hours a day (not at night!). It has really helped him.
Stace
OK, this is the THIRD time I'm entering this reply. Blogger tossed out the other two when I clicked Publish. Apologies for this being an abbreviated version of my original reply.
Thank you for your concern, hon. I am determined to get through what has been the worst month of my life. I wish my first month as myself had gone better, but it is what it is. All I can do is fight through it as best I can and hope better times arrive someday.
I purchased a dawn simulator when I was diagnosed with SAD shortly after moving to Seattle. (I'll write a post about it sometime; it's interesting what a difference something as ephemeral as light can make.) I gave it to a friend out there when I moved back East. Both moves were ill-advised, in hindsight. But I will get a new one and begin using it. I can hopefully rectify my other mistake at a later date.
Thank you again, hon. Have a good Thursday.
Hugs,
Cass
OK....it happened again and it only happens on your blog.
I left a comment and Google ate it....all of it. I know it tasted good too!
Now, I'm going to try this again.....
I so get it. Remember, I lived there for many years? I know what it's like. I know the dark, dreary days. I know walking like a duck out to my car. I remember looking out the window to a cloudless sky, after days of snow, rain and ice, knowing it's 10 degrees outside and the wind is blowing 30 mph. I remember the freezing rain burning my face. I remember slipping and sliding on the highway in a snow storm.
In short, Been there, Done that, Froze my tight ass off.
But, you are a Sunshine Girl! I saw that sunshine shining brightly. You don't need the outside sunshine. It's inside of you, Sunshine Girl!!! You might not see green grass until mid-April (no pun intended April Girl), but you do have the sunshine from within. Just think of the green grass and imagine you're on the beach, showing off that awesome hair and body of yours, right here in Cali.....or Florida, I suppose....
Calie xxx
Hang in there. Every day might be a challenge at the moment but you will get through it - you have already conquered worse.
Thank you, Calie and Becca. It has been a very, very hard stretch, and the last few days may been when I hit bottom. I am taking steps to address matters. I have worked too hard, and come too far. I am going to figure out what I need to do moving forward. And I will do it.
Thank you for being such good friends. It means more than you can know.
Hugs & love,
Cass
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