Change (you can change)...

Tuesday, September 6, 2011

So, I've been gently encouraged by a certain someone (who shall remain nameless, but she knows who she is ;c)) to post a bit more often. So, here goes!

It's been an eventful few weeks in this little corner of the blogosphere. On the weather front, there was an earthquake, and a hurricane, and a loss of power for two-plus days. 

On the transition front, my sister is visiting next week, and I'm going to come out to her. I also came out to a good friend at work, who was absolutely wonderful and has been incredibly supportive. I knew she would be, but it's still a wonderful, affirming experience each time it happens.

Unfortunately, though, I have to amend that to "a good friend where I *used to* work." Because, sadly, our project was cancelled, and we, along with a number of colleagues, were laid off effective last Friday.

No layoffs are fun (I've gone through my share, having worked in high tech as a contractor), but this one is particularly sad because this was the nicest group of people I've ever worked with. And I've been fortunate in that regard. Please send some good vibes their way; these folks deserved a much, much better fate.

Ideally, my former company will be able to bring in another contract fairly soon and call back at least some of us. Failing that, I hope to land something to get me through my current lease (which, of course, I had signed the day *before* we found out the project was in trouble). If I can do that, I'll be relocating back to Seattle next spring. In hindsight I never should've left there at all, but what's done is done. No regrets, as the song goes, right? 

The timing was particularly bad because I was planning to start electrolysis this month. I was also planning to talk with M, my therapist, about a timeline to get my letter. I still plan on asking her about it this week. I'd like to get it sooner rather than later; better to have it in my hands in light of this much uncertainty.

No matter what, though, this isn't stopping my transition. It may or may not delay it, but it WILL happen. I'm not going back to where I was, and I'm going to do what I have to do to make this happen, and sooner rather than later. On that note, if anyone has a freelance writing project that will cover the cost of transitioning, moving cross-country, and, ideally, a nifty condo with a view of Puget Sound, please drop me a line. Oh, and if you want to throw in the cost of season tickets to the Mariners, feel free. <g> (There's proof of what a determined gal I am - I'm STILL a Mariners fan...)

So, that's where things stand as of now. More to follow!

In the interim, a few tunes that have been running through my head recently. First up, a classic from Tears For Fears that sums things up nicely:

Next, Jerry Garcia's excellent cover of "Waiting For A Miracle," a song about finding the courage to carry on no matter the odds, written by the great Bruce Cockburn:

And last but not least, possibly the two most uplifting songs I know:

I know you got a lot of good things happening up ahead
The past is gone, it's all been said
So here's to what the future brings
I hope tomorrow you'll find better things
I know tomorrow you'll find better things
I know tomorow you'll find better things


Teagan said...

Sorry about the layoff. Goodonya for not allowing it to interfere too much with your goal. I'd be careful about coming out to co-workers so early in the game.

I used to listen to "Fix You" by Coldplay over and over when I started my transition.

Kelly on September 7, 2011 at 12:20 AM said...

Hi Teagan,

Thank you. I think it will be OK - the layoff and telling my friend, that is. But I hear you - she is the exception, for sure. Discretion is the better part, and all of that. :c)

It'a amazing how certain songs speak to you at specific points in your life, isn't it? I'll have to give "Fix You" a closer listen. I have their other albums, but not that one. (I was obsessed with "The Scientist" for quite a while - such a cool video!)

I also wanted to say thank you for your blog; it's been a huge help. And good luck with your upcoming surgery and with your ex. I can't imagine how stressful that must be. All I can say is you're in my thoughts, and that your kids are lucky to have such a great Mom. :c)


Teagan said...

The "Fix You" video was and still is incredibly emotional for me, especially when Chris Martin starts running. And the Scientist, I remember gasping when she took that seatbelt off at the end of the video.

Anyway, I'm glad you got something out of my blog. This is the great thing about blogs... they help the writer and the readers! Thanks.


Teagan said...

Well, when she puts the seatbelt on, not takes it off. :)

Kelly on September 7, 2011 at 8:59 PM said...

It's easy to get things backward with that video! :c)

I have the deluxe DVD of Memento, which has a version with the entire movie going the "right" way. It works both ways, which is a testament to what a genius Christopher Nolan is. In fact, from now on, I write all of my blog posts backwards!

You weren't kidding about the "Fix You" video. I didn't see that coming when he starts to run. Powerful.

You're right about blogs helping the writer and the reader. I'm always surprised by what comes out once I start working on a post or a journal entry. I also draw my own comic strip, and it's always a trip when friends point out what they're *really* about. ;c) The mind is a mysterious thing, that's for sure...


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