I was perusing my photo library today, and thought it might be interesting to post a timeline of myself over the past five Christmas Eves. I know I've changed, although others clearly see just how much far more than I do - or can. In any case, here we go...
2010 (note the goatee):
2011 (1 month on hormones):
2012 (13 months on hormones; I was sick as a dog when this was taken):
2013 (25 months on hormones, 10 days after going full-time):
2014 (three years on hormones, just over one year full-time; this was taken a few weeks ago):
I included this one with my hair down for comparison, even though I usually pull it back into a ponytail.
It's been growing like weeds the past year - although being wavy/curly, it had to grow out before it started to grow down. It's also become much thicker (and it was fairly thick to begin with), which is quite unusual, I think.
I plan to let it grow as long as I can; fortunately, my stylist tells me it will keep growing, and that it should look OK as it does. I can't wait until I can put it up in a bun. Perhaps by next Christmas Eve? I guess we'll see.
In any event, I want to wish everyone a very Merry Christmas. Thank you all for your friendship...
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One of the great Christmas songs, "Christmas In New York," courtesy of The Pogues and the late Kirsty MacColl. This is a terrific live version from 1988:
Hi everyone. I apologize for my scarcity again. Unfortunately, I've been struggling recently. I haven't been feeling well for several weeks, and I'm afraid it finally caught up with me.
I prefer not to go into details, but I can say that more than one factor is at work. I went full-time just over a year ago (December 13 2013 was my first full day as myself). It's the best thing I've ever done, and I truly love living as myself at long last.
That said, anyone who's transitioned will tell you that any issues or problems you're dealing with don't magically disappear once you go full-time. That has been the case for me.
Friends had been expressing increasing concern over the past few weeks, until things came to a head last week. Their level of their concern convinced me that I need to address this sooner rather than later.
And I am. I've come too far, and worked too hard, to do anything else. I'm proud of how far I've come, and how much I've acheived.
But my work isn't done. There are still things I need to work on. I've already started taking steps to do just that. They won't be solved overnight; they didn't develop overnight, so that's to be expected.
It's been a long, hard road. And right now I'm tired from the journey. But I know what I've accomplished, and what I've overcome.
When you transition, you learn the importance of determination, and persistence, and taking the long view. They've helped me get where I am. And they're going to help me work through things now. I am going to do what it takes to ensure that 2015 is the best year of my life. Bank on it.
***
I want to thank everyone who has reached out the past few weeks; it means more than you can know. Thank you all. I want to add a particular thank you to my partner-in-crime, April, who has been there - and then some - when I've needed a pick-me-up. Thank you for everything, sweetie. Love you. xoxoxo
If I don't post again before Christmas, I want to wish everyone a happy and safe holiday season, regardless of which holidays you do - or don't - observe. Merry Christmas, everyone.
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A few songs from one of my all-time favorite Christmas albums, A Charlie Brown Christmas. I never, ever tire of the show itself, or the soundtrack, by the great Vince Guaraldi. It's been a constant source of comfort; this year is no exception. Here's the opening track, "O Tannenbaum":
And his lovely original, "Christmas Time Is Here":
Hi everyone. Apologies for my recent low profile. This time of year is not my favorite, for a number of reasons. The past few weeks have been particularly intense and challenging, part of an ongoing stretch that has been the most intense period of my life.
So much has happened, both good and not-so-good. On balance, it is definitely more on the positive side... but it's been an up and down ride.
Truthfully, it's been a bit down the past few weeks. I prefer not to go into details, for personal reasons. I can say that I am proud of the progress as I have made in the past 6-7 weeks. That said... that kind of progress doesn't always come without heartache and pain.
I owe a heartfelt thank you to my fellow blogstress April, who was there for me, literally within moments, after a very traumatic experience. She came through in a major way. She understood exactly how I felt; she was able to help me put it in perspective. I will always be grateful to her for that. I love you, hon.
I plan to post again later this week in what I am fairly confident will be a more upbeat post. I have some news I have been wanting to share for some time, and this is the time to do so. I promise I'll try not to be so scarce as we move forward.
Finally, I want to thank Nadine, of Nadine's Spirit, who reached out to me today just to check in. That was a very kind gesture, and is what prompted me to post tonight, on an evening when I ordinarily would not have. Thank you.
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I posted a few recent pictures just to show that all hasn't been doom and gloom here. My makeup skills are slowly evolving - bearing in mind, of course, that there was, and is, ample room for improvement. :) Kidding aside, I keep working at them, even when I am feeling less than chipper. It's important to have a positive focus at those times, even if it's just practicing makeup.
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While the season is difficult, I still love Christmas music. Here are a few Christmas instrumentals to round things out.
Toronto's Bruce Cockburn:
Also from Toronto, Barenaked Ladies:
New Hampshire's Ed Gerhard, who has released two gorgeous acoustic guitar Christmas albums:
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